Animal Jokes

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A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff.
A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on.
They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation.
The redhead goes first.
She jumps and says "eagle!".
She turns into an eagle and flies away.
The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away.
The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh сrар!" she yells.

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What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.

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What's a rabbits favourite car?
Any make, just as long it's a hutchback.

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What is a moo hoo for a соw that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.

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What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really.

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What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other?
Isaiah.

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Which rabbit was in Western movies?
Hopalong Cassidy.

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Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?
Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck.

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What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear.

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Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!

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Why are cows made for dancing?
They re all born hoofers.

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What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool.

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Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him?
He stung her into action.

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Q: What do you call a nакеd deer?
A: Buck nакеd!

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What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
The Lizard of Oz.

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What do you call explosive соw vомiт?
A cud missle.

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What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper !

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