Animal Jokes

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What is the best advice to give a worm?
Sleep late.

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Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!

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What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?
Squid pro quo.

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First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way?
Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.

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What did one dairy соw say to another?
Got milk?

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What do you call a tired соw?
Milked out.

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What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths?
Lefty.

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What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.

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Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
Because it gets you nowhere.

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Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a тооl is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Elephant replies:
"What does it look like?"
Lion:
"Well it's got four points on it."
Elephant:
"Sorry, I haven't seen it, try mouse."
So the Lion goes to the mouse and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Mouse:
"What does it look like?"
Lion:
"Well it's got four points on it."
Mouse:
"Sorry mate, I've not seen it, try croc."
So the lion proceeds to the crocodile and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Croc:
"What does it look like?"
Lion:
"Well it's got four points on it."
Croc:
"Sorry I've not seen it, try Jaguar."
So the lion goes to Jaguar and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Jaguar:
"Of course, I ate it."
Lion:
"Why did you do that?"
Jaguar:
"Well I'm a four point тооl eater Jaguar."

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What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a соw?
Cowboom!

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What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH

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What did the calf say to the silo?
"Is my fodder in there?"

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Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they are black and white.

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Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the аss.

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Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.

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Q: Why do dogs liск their ваlls?
A: Because they can.
Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches?
A: Same reason.

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What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.

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