Animal Jokes

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There is a lady laying in bed.
At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fат pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.”
His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.”
Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”

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How is a rabbit like a plum?
They re both purple, except for the rabbit.

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What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!

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Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.

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What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.

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What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny?
Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.

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Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.

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In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.

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Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent.
They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.

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What does an octopus take on a camping trip?
Tentacles.

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Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!

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More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"

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Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

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What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.

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What US state has the most cows?
Moosouri.

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Did you hear about the argumentative skunk?
He always liked to make a stink.

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A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

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What's the important part of a horse?
The manr part.

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