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Вицове за Животни
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Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi...
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake?
A jump rope!
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Why do bunnies have soft sеx?
They have cotton ваlls.
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The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.”
The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.”
The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
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On the show Man v. S Wild, when they talk about the profesionals that Bear recieves help from, they are refering to Chuck Norris.
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They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
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In what state will you find the most cows?
Moo York.
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Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.
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Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It got angry and bit at the champ!
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Το πιο άσχημο μωρό
The baby
Το άσχημο μωρό
Една жена се качила в автобус с бебето си. Шофьорът казал:
В автобусе едет женщина с ребёнком.Заходит пьяный мужик:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says
Uma mulher entra no ônibus com seu filho e o motorista se espanta:
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady"
Wchodzi kobieta z czarnym dzieckiem na rękach do autobusu. - Fuj
Kommt eine Frau mit ihrem Kind auf dem Arm in den Bus. Sagt der Busfahrer: "Mensch sie haben aber ein häßliches Kind!" Schockiert und immer noch verärgert setzt sich die Frau in den Bus. Ihr...
På en buss i London satt en ung kvinna med sin baby i famnen när en berusad man klev på och stannade framför henne. Mannen tittade en lång stund på barnet och sa sedan så högt att alla i bussen...
Met haar baby van zes dagen op de arm stapt Annie de bus in. "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" zei de chauffeur
Annie stapt de bus in met haar pasgeboren baby op haar arm. Zegt de buschauffeur: 'Tering! Zo'n lelijk kind heb ik nog nooit gezien!' Annie wordt boos en gaat helemaal achterin de bus zitten. Een...
En dame går på en buss med babyen sin. Bussjåføren sier: - Det er den styggeste babyen jeg noen gang har sett. Æsj!. Dama finner seg et sete og setter seg ned
O femeie cu un copil in brate se urca in autobuz. Soferul Zice: - Aoleu
Een vrouw staat samen met haar baby op de arm te wachten bij een bushalte. Als de bus aan komt en de vrouw instapt zegt de buschauffeur: "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" De vrouw...
En dame går på bussen med babyen sin
Kadın bebeğiyle otobüse binerken otobüs şöförü kendini tutamayıp şöyle demiş: - Aman tanrım ne kadar çirkin bir bebek... Kadın sinirle biletini kutuya basmış
A lady boards the bus with her baby. The bus driver looks at the baby and says "that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!" The lady finds a seat and she is mad as hell. She tells the guy in the seat...
A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says
Uma Senhora estava sentada com o seu filhinho no colo
En kvinde kommer ind i en bus med en baby på armen... Chaufføren kigger længe på ungen og udbryder: "Hold da kæft en grim unge" Kvinden sætter sig bagest i bussen
Moteris su mažu vaiku įlipa į mikroautobusą. Vairuotojas imdamas pinigus
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said,
"Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."
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A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.
A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
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What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?
A full bull.
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What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways?
"Dead."
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Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
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According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
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Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!"
"There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time.
My fee, of course, will be $1,500."
Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
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