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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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Why did the dinosaur have so few friends?
Because Tyrannosaurus reeks!
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Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his diск.
One man said,
"I sure wish I could do that."
The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going to have to pet him first."
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If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
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Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!
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A tourist was drowning in the sea:
Help! Help! He screams.
Very calm the fisherman says:
Press F1 already and stop screaming.
You’re scaring the fishes away.
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Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder.
Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to кill a соw and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
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There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette running from a cop.
They hide in potato sacks.
The officer kicks each bag.... When he kicks the redheads bag she goes meow.... When he kick the brunettes bag she goes ruff... When he kicks the blondes bag she goes potatoes!
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Yo mama so sтuрid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
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Make the world your playground.
Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up.
Dragging a sock over it helps.
If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.
When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
Nap often.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Life is hard, and then you nap.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
Variety is the spice of life.
One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy.
Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
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Q. What's green and red?
A. A very mad frog.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
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Q. Why did the tiger loose at poker?
A. Because he was playing with a cheetah.
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How does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
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What do you call a chilly dog sitting on bunny?
A Cold dog on a bun.
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A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
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A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit.
She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?"
A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?"
The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"
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A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
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A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fат bird in my car?"
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