Animal Jokes

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How did the skunk call home?
On his smell-ular phone!

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Q: How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
A: You hold his nose.

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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.

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Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts.

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I hope I'm not poisonous, says the first snake.
"Why?" asks the second snake.
"Because I just bit my lip."

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What happened to the blind skunk?
He fell in love with a fаrт.

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Q: What does a fish use to get high?
A: Seaweed.

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Q: What's dangerous and swings from trees?
A: A monkey with a chainsaw.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He freakin' felt like it!

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Q:
What do you call a соw that won't give milk? A: A milk dud.

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Three mice sit in a bar. The first one brags, "I am one bad аss mouse! In my hood, we have huge mousetraps. I take the dамn cheese out of all of them."
The second one brags, "Well, I'm a bad аss mouse too. In my hood, I mix rat poison with my milk and chug it down every night before I go to bed."
The third gets up and starts to leave. The other two mice both yell, "Hey chicken, where do you think you're going?"
The third one replies, "Going home to f**k the cat."

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Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day.
On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants. They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong. Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all. When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, ''Straight, straight, curly.''

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What's the difference between a regular toad and a hоrny toad?
One says, ''Rib-it, rib-it,'' while the other says, ''Rub-it, rub-it.''

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What time is it when 20 dogs and one cat get together?
20 after one.

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Q: How do you know when it is cold outside?
A: When your dog's d**k is frozen to the fire hydrant.

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Two bats are going for their midnight feed.
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."

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Q: How do you trap a polar bear?
A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a рее, you kick him in the icehole.

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What does a cat like to eat on a hot summer's day?
A mice cream cone!

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