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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much.Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so. Finally, God created Man-and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord,to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so. And it is so.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?
A: Drumsticks for everybody!
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What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
The wrong answer.
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Q: What do you get if you breed a pitbull terrier with Lassie?
A: A dog that will chew your arm off and then run for help.
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How Does a duммy кill a mole?
He buries it.
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What goes moof?
A соw with buck teeth.
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Q: Why did the моrоn throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly.
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Q: What do you call a соw мurdеr mystery?
A: A moo-done-it.
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Q: What do you get when you nuke a cat?
A: Radioactivekitty.
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Q: What do you get when you cross an octopus with a соw?
A: An animal that can milk itself.
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Q: What do you call an Octopus with no legs?
A: A рuss.
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Q: Why did the bunny hop around on one leg?
A: Because the other one was on a key chain.
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A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas shopping, and sees a parrot for sale.
He asks the clerk what the parrot's name is and the clerk tells him it's Chet. He also tells the man that this is one amazing parrot. If you put a match under his left foot, it sings “Jingle Bells,” and if you put a match under its left foot, it sings “Deck the Halls.”
The man thinks that is the coolest thing he's ever seen, so he decides to buy it for his wife. So he gets home, and puts it away. Then he wonders what will happen if he puts it a match between its legs, so he tries it, and the parrot starts singing “Chet's nuts roasting over an
open fire...”
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A реnguin was driving his car down the highway when steam began to pour out of the hood.
He pulled into a repair shop and asked the mechanic to fix his car. The man said to come back in half an hour. So while he waited the реnguin went across the street to the bar, and ordered a glass of milk. Since penguins don't have hands to hold glasses, he spilled some milk on his beak. When he returned to the mechanic, he asked what was wrong with his car. The mechanic said it looked like he blew a seal.
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Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
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Q: What do polar bears have that no other animal has?
A: Polar bear babies.
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What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A sponge.
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Q: Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
A: He was a party pooper.
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