Animal Jokes

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Two whales are swimming along one day, bored. One whale spots a ship and suggests to the other, "Hey, why don''t we swim under that boat, and spurt out water so it tips over?"
"Well," says the other whale, "I''ll give it a вlоw job, but I refuse to swallow any sea men!"

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What do you do with a blue whale?
Cheer it up!

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Q: What's purple and leaps from tree to tree?
A: Squirrel!
Q: Then why is it purple?
A: It choked on a nut...'

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Where's Ice Cube, Eve, and Cedric?
Q: Where did the sheep get its haircut?
A: The ba-ba shop

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Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An embarassed zebra!

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Q: What is a fly without wings?
A: A walk.

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Q: What's a wok?
A: Something you throw at a wabbit.

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Q: Why did the duck travel to a dangerous neighborhood?
A: He wanted to buy some quack.

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I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins laying down in the sun.
I let my talking cats out and the kitten said to her mom, ''I'm hungry!''
So the mother cat said, ''What would you like?'' The kitten replied, ''I don't know!''
Then the mother cat looked at the robins and said, ''How about some basking robins?''

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What do you call a monket...
What do you call a monkey lost in a desert?
Scewed

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Q: How do you talk to a fish?
A: You drop him a line.

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What's the only animal that has to be oiled?
A mouse. Why? 'Cause it squeaks!

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Two hedgehogs are in the middle of the road by a zebra crossing. One says, "Don't cross here!"
The other one says, "Why not?"
The first one says, "Look what happened to this zebra!"

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What idiот called it a vet, instead of a dogtor?

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What did the elephant say to the nакеd man?
How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

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- What's the difference between snowman and snow woman?
- Snowballs.

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An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

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To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.
But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

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