Aviation Jokes - Page 13

A blonde was sitting in economy class... on a flight from Seattle to Chicago.

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A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?"
The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.

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Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swieznigger died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man".
Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man".
Chuck Norris said "get the fuск out of my chair".

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A mother and her son are sitting on an airplane, which is ready to take off.
The son admires the parked plains’ through the window.
At one point, he turns to his mother, which was reading a magazine, and pops the question:
"Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?"
The child’s mother, bored to think of a reasonable answer, consultant him to ask the flight attendant.
Therefore, it happened:
"Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?" little boy asks the flight attendant.
Then, with a smile on her face, stewardess replied:
"Did your mom told you to ask me?"
The boy shook his head positively.
So, she says back:
"Tell your mother, that our company knows better and.. pulls out in time!"

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A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers:
"Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says:
"An English girl!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks:
"So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you," replies the wife.
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?"
"I asked for, the English girl?"
"Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!"

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Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just вlоw dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

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Aviation Jokes Blonde Jokes

There are 3 men on a plane a Mexican an American and a Russian the Mexican says "I hate my country!"
And throughs a soup out the window the American says "I hate my country" and throughs a pie out the window.
The Russian says "I hate my country!"
And throughs a bomb out the window.
Then the plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying the Mexican says "what's wrong kid?"
The kid says "a soup fell on my mom's head and she burnt to death."
"I didn't do that" says the Mexican.
The American was walking and saw a kid crying "what's wrong kid?"
The kid says "my mom was driving and a pie fell on her windshield and drove off a cliff cause she couldn't see!"
"I didn't do that" says the American.
Then the Russian gets off the plane and saw a kid laughing his head off.
The Russian says "what's so funny?"
The kid says " daddy farted and the house went BOOM BOOM!"

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What language does a flight attendant speak?
Plane English.

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

The best part of being a flight attendant Has to be when you walk the aisle saying "trash" to everyone's face.

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

I got cursed out by a flight attendant for asking to be moved away from a screaming baby
Apparently they don’t like that if it’s your baby.

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

What do you call a pregnant flight attendant?
Pilot Error.

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The flight attendant asked me during the flight, could I offer you some free headphones?
So I replied, “Sure, but how did you know my name is Phones?”

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

A flight attendant asks a man:
- Sir, do you want something to drink?
- What are my options?
- Yes and No

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me
"That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

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Jones the farmer and his son Berwyn sign up for a sight-seeing tour in a small aircraft. As always, Jones angles for the best deal possible.
“Very well, Mr Jones,” says the pilot. “If you can go through the entire flight without making a sound, you and Berwyn can have your tickets for free.”
So the plane takes off and the pilot makes sure it’s a rough one, launching almost straight up, flying under the Severn Bridge, using every single bit of acrobatics in his repertoire and doing a loop at the end.
Jones says nothing. After they land, the pilot turns to Jones in disbelief.
“Mr Jones, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and no-one’s ever been able to hold back from screaming. Tell me, was there ever a point in the flight where you wanted to say something?”
“Aye,” Jones replies. “When Berwyn fell out.”

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A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.
When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry.
Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat."
The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat."
The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde.
The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."

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A group of blondes was going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.
A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day, I am going to dial 911 and call the cops!"

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A Brazilian, a Frenchman, and a Nigerian were in a plane. The pilot told them that they have to jump out of the plane when they find their country. The Brazilian jumped out when he saw the Сhrisт the Redeemer statue. The Frenchman jumped out when he saw the Eiffel Tower. When it was the Nigerian's turn the pilot asked, "When will you jump?" The Nigerian put his hand outside the plane window. When he brought it back in, his watch was gone. He said, "Ah, we've reached my country."

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McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains.
The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains.
When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"
Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street.
He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jеrк.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!"
"I know, you idiот!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"

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From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about the Dutch firm that has been hired to manage the International Arrivals Building at New York's John F. Kennedy Airport:
The tile under the urinals in the Arrivals Building has that familiar lemony tinge; rubber soles stick to it. Over in Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice is that each urinаl has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns into the black outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain.
"It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom. "If a man sees a fly, he aims at it." Mr. Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's own building expansion. His staff conducted fly-in-urinаl trials and found that etchings reduce spillage by 80%. The Dutch will transfer the technology to New York.
"We will put flies in the urinals yes," Jan Jansen says in a back office at the Arrivals Building. He is the new Dutch general manager, the boss as of noon today. "It gives a guy something to think about. That's the perfect example of process control."
But a spokesperson for Rudy Guiliani, Mayor of New York, was heard to say, "What do we need with Dutch flies when we have more than enough roaches to рiss on?"

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