A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
A man goes to his seat on an airplane and finds a parrot in the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes by, and when the man asks her for a coffee, the parrot squawks, "And get me a whiskey, you соw!"
The flustered stewardess brings back a whiskey for the parrot, but forgets the coffee. When the man points this out, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells, "And get me another whiskey, you соw!"
The upset stewardess returns shortly with a whiskey for the parrot, but still no coffee. The man decides to try the parrot's approach: "I've asked you twice for a coffee, соw, now go and get it!"
Two burly stewards grab the man and the parrot, take them to the emergency exit and throw them out. As they eject from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says, "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're a mouthy S.O.B.!"
Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with his mistress nакеd in bed. As he was kissing her red, red lips, he stopped.
"To kiss your red lips, I need red wine." So he poured red wine over her lips and continued to kiss her. He moved on to her white, white вrеаsтs.
"To kiss your white вrеаsтs, I need white wine." So he poured white wine over her вrеаsтs and continued to kiss them. He then moved on to her bush. He poured brandy all over it and set it alight.
"Louis!" she screamed. "What are you doing?"
"Baby," he said, "when I go down, I GO DOWN IN FLAMES!"
Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport.
Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usally have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel. Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, How are you feeling? Tim says he's fine, never felt better. Bob asks, Do you have a hangover? Tim says no. Then Tim says, Wow this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover. Then Bob says, Well, there is one side effect, Tim. Have you farted yet? Tim says, No, why?
Bob says, I'm calling you from Detroit!
A Polish man was taking a flight on acommercial airliner.
The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour intothe flight, a loud BOOM occurred. The flight attendant came over the intercom and said,"Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. Westill have three engines, I repeat, we still have three engines." Everyone stayed calm. Aboutanother hour later, another boom. The flight attendant comes over the intercom."Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown another engine, but there is no need to worry!We still have two more engines to go!" The people stayed calm. An hour later, thesame situation. Now only one engine remained. Then, the Polish man stood up and saidoutloud, "Man! If this keeps up, we could be up here all day!"
