Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes

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An atheist walks into a bar that's full, and someone gets up and offers him a space. Why doesn't he take it?
Because then he'd be a theist.

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Two elderly men in a bar...
... One pipes up and asks his mate
"As we get older would you prefer Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"
Second man replies "Parkinsons, it will be bad enough spilling half my pint, never mind forgetting where I left it!"

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What does a ISIS amusement park have as a safety mechanism?
Allahu lap-bar.

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So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender
Guy: Two shots please
Eminem: You only get one shot

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A liar, a cheat, and a bigot walked into a bar...
"Let's make America great again!" he said.

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A guy wearing a turban walks into a bar
The bartender asks "Is this some sort of Sikh joke?"

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A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks
He got hammered.

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An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fit enthusiast walk into a bar.
And everyone knows because he won't shut up about it.

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So I ordered the 50 cent at the bar last night...
The bartender gave me 9 shots and took all my money

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20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by;
"Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter"

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One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...
Of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

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A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar
I only know because they told everyone.

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A woman site down next to a man in a bar and says,
"You smell good, What do you have on?"
The man says,
"I have a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it."

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Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be?
I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"

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A woman in this bar just told me she wants to have my babies....
Watch my вееr while I go home and get them.

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He orders a вееr and a shot of whiskey.
A time traveler walks into a bar.

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An intellectual once went into a bar and asked for a martinus...
"Surely, you mean a 'martini', right?" - Said the bartender.
The intellectual looked at him coldly and said - 'If I wanted two, I'd have asked for them"

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So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar...
And drink until the giraffe passes out. The man goes to leave and the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Man says,
"That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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