Blonde Jokes

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Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold onto a thought.

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There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

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A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

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Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
A: Women!

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One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment. She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command. Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty. Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't. "I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"

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How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
How many Sun readers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
How many Sun readers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
None, but one is enough to sсrеw up the joke.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.
How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.
How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
There is nothing to change.
How many fatalists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.

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How do you know that a blonde was using the computer? there is white out on the screen How do you know that another blonde was using that computer? there is writing over the white out How do you know that a third blonde was using the computer? the joystick is wet

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How do you кill a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

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A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud ваng. The pilot announces over the intercom "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes."
Suddenly there's another ваng. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they"ll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another ваng and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours.
The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says,
"Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we"ll be up here all day."

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After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sасrifiсе themselves and let go, to save the others. Well, they talked about it for a while but no one could decide a fair way of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap. To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sасrifiсе. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them. After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!

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They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked,
"What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

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A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said,
"You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde yelled at the doctor,
"I came here to get medical help, not get a sтuрid compliment!"

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Why cant a Blonde кill a fish?
Cause she always trys to drown the fish...

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Q: Why was the blonde late for work?
A: She was stranded on the broken escalator.

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An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.
"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"
"I'd have to say the living one."

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There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing.
Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win - they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

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One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis ваlls lying by the side of the road.
He picked the ваlls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. "What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked. "Tennis ваlls," answered the man, smiling back. "Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."

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Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

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