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I present to you the wurst case scenario

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Gen x'ers - the last great generation before all these sissies were born

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Trampoline fоr sale, only used once

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Her: He's probably thinking about other girls. Him: Why's there a dude taking photo of us trying to sleep

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I normally don't pick up hitchhikers, but this guy is an exception ri

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Cummunism

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There's nothing cooler than casually walking away after blowing something up

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My mother came to the door; 'Lance, get your аss in the house!
' I said, 'Oh, Ma, I don't feel like coming in the house!' I didn't even see where the skillet came from. I just staggered into the house. It wasn't even the right house, it was just the first house with the door open.

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Q: Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
A: Because Donald ducked.

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All my friends, we was ready for the second riot.
No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random - it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul.

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Robot Воотy Call... Stealing:
Although I have not been programmed to break any existing laws, I am a thief and I am here to steal your heart.

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Classic Воотy Call... Ticket:
You must be a parking ticket 'cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

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A.J. Jamal:
You ever go into a store, and they're watching you? Watching you . White people stealing stuff - walking out with couches, refrigerators, TVs - and all we want is a paper.

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Somethimes, I use big words i don't fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis

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You know you're in trouble when...
1. The McDonald's people know you by name from late night study breaks.

2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.

3. The college drunк confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"

4. Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!

5. Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."

6. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, b*#%h!"

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I will not be surprised if soon i see "a rаре victim" referred to as "an unwilling sреrм recipient"

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I have mixed drinks about feelings.

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Be friend with sтuрid people. Feel like a genius all the time.

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