Dating jokes, Online dating jokes
A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
“So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.
“I am a Torah scholar.” he replies.
“A Torah scholar. Hmmm,” the father says. “admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she’s accustomed to?”
“I will study,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”
“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.
“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”
“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiance.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”
The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.
He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.
“Well, okay,” he says, “how about a вlоw job?”
“Yuck!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?”
“I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”
She nods.
“Well, it’s just like that.”
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.
A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.
“Take your thumb off the end!!”
A cop was patrolling at night in a well known area for “parking.”
He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on.
He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked over to the car and knocked on the window.
“Yes, officer?”
“What are you doing?”
“Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m reading a magazine.”
Pointing to the young woman, the cop asked, “And her, what is she doing?”
The young man shrugged, “I believe she’s knitting a pullover.”
The cop was totally confused.
A young couple alone in a car at night and nothing obscene is happening!
“What’s your age, young man?”
“I’m 22, sir."
"And her, what’s her age?
The young man looks at his watch and said, “She’ll be 18 in 20 minutes.