Dirty jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

Never ever ever push a Scottish man down.
Especially when it's at a Scottish ceremony.

0

0

A guy walks into a bar and he sees another guy with a little head, so little a melon is вiggеr. He sees the guy buying everyone 3 rounds of drinks, so he walks up to him. And asks, "I appreciate you buying us drinks but why is your head so small?" The guy replied, "We'll I was stranded on an island last week for 3 days and as I was walking down the beach I saw a mermaid and she said she'll grant me 3 wishes. My first wish was to be rescued! So helicopters and ships showed up. My second wish was to be the richest man on earth so my bank account shot up and made me a trillionaire." The man paused. The other man asked,
"What was your 3rd wish?" The man answered, "I didn't know what to ask for so I looked at the mermaid and said,
"I want to f* you." She replied, "You can't f* me I'm a mermaid?" So I told her, "How about a little head!"

0

0

There was once a plumber and a housewife. The housewife said "okay you finished cleaning my pipes now get to work on that sink".

0

0

One day Mickey mouse found a text message to minnie saying to do it in the usual place. Mickey came up to minnie and yelled ,"Are you f*cking crazy!" She replied, "No i'm f*cking Goofy!"

0

0

A little boy walks in on his parents having sеx, his dad says Jacob please leave me and mommy are trying to make you a brother or sister and, the child replies. Daddy do her doggy style I want puppies.

0

0

I'm not saying she's a sluт, but her vаginа has been used more than Google.

0

0

Boy: Did that hurt?
Girl: What?
Boy: When you fell off your whоrе tree and banged every guy on your way down?

0

0

Kid: Mommy can I take a shower with you?
Mom: Fine. But don't look up and don't look down.
When there in the shower the kid looks up and says:
Kid: Mommy what are those?
Mom: These are the headlights.
Kid looks down and says:
Kid: What's that?
Mom: That's the garage.
The next day the kid takes a shower with his dad.
The kid looks down and says:
Kid: Whats that?
Dad: Thats the car.
The next day the kid goes into his parents room and says:
Kid: Mommy turn on the headlights, dady park the car in the garage.

0

0

69% of people find something dirтy in every sentence

0

0

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew the lightbulb, but you can't unscrew the pregnant woman.

0

0

Having sеx with you is lik running a red light, you tell me to stop but I don't.

0

0

What is the difference between a priest and Listerine Junior?
The Listerine warns kids not to swallow.

0

0

One day, wife asked her husband
Who many girls slept with you.. Husband replied -'no one' all girls were awake with me full night.. You are the one who slept wid me every night...

0

0

Boy: Why is it stuck!
Girl: I don't know, you put it in to far I guess.
Boy: This always happens to me.
Girl: Here let me try * pulls and makes noises*
Boy: thanks. That would've ruined my only pencil.

0

0

Three guys went to a skiing lodge and asked for a room the clerk says "Oh sorry we are out of rooms we only have one available" one of the guys says "Thats fine we can share". So during midnight the guy on the very left woke up saying "Dude i had a wiered dream that i was having a hаndjов", the guy on the right side woke up saying the same thing, then the gun in the very middle woke up saying "Thats funny i had a dream that i was sking" :p

0

0

Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only сuмs once a year.
Oohhhhh...*slaps knee*..

0

0

What do you call 2 lеsвiаns in a closet?? Liquor Cabinet......

0

0

A girl and a boy are in a room. The boy asks the girl if she has any irish in her. She says no. He begins to take off his pants and says
"Ya want some"

0

0