Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
This Joke Hurts Blonde in Pain Πονάω παντού Το σπασμένο δάχτυλο На някаква сватба станало сбиване и всички били прибрани в ареста. Ein Mann kommt zum Arzt. Един отива на лекар A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: Kommt ein Mann zum Arzt: A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” Блондинка зашла к доктору: A blonde goes to her doctor complaining of body pains. Her doctor asked "Where does it hurt?" She touches her elbow and says Geht eine Frau zum Arzt und sagt: "Wenn ich hier drücke tut es weh Une blonde va chez le medecin et lui dit: -"Docteur...quand j'appuie là Carabiniere dal dottore: "Dottore A young woman said to her doctor - ¡Doctor Der Patient zu seinem Arzt: "Ich bin schwer krank und habe Schmerzen am ganzen Körper. Wenn ich mir mit dem Finger an den Kopf tippe tut es weh Doctor Le gars va chez le docteur et lui dit: - Lorsque je me touche ici A blonde went to the hospital because her body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her elbow and it hurt.... "Herr Doktor Une jeune femme blonde va voir son docteur. - "Ou avez-vous mal ?" Demande le docteur. - "Vous devez m'aider En brunett går till läkaren. – Vad kan jag hjälpa dig med? – Jo En ung brunett gick till doktorn och berättade att det gör ont på kroppen överallt där hon rör den. Omöjligt Temel bir gün doktora gitmiş ve meramını doktora aktarmış: – Doktor bey parmağımı karnıma bastırıyorum acıyor Een jonge brunette gaat de praktijk van de dokter binnen en zegt dat haar lichaam overal pijn doet Er kwam een man bij een dokter En ung tjej En mann gikk til legen og sa: – Jeg har vondt over alt Een jonge vrouw komt bij haar dokter met klachten over pijn. "Waar doet het zeer?" vraagt de dokter. "Het doet overal zeer - Doktor O português reclama de fortes dores ao seu médico: — Ai doutore The retired man goes to the doctor and says A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde... En man kommer in hos doktorn: – Snälla doktorn Cierta mañana Przychodzi kobieta do lekarza i skarży się na ból. - Gdzie panią boli? - pyta się lekarz. - Wszędzie - odpowiada kobieta. - Jak to wszędzie? Proszę być bardziej dokładnym. Kobieta dotyka kolana... Un tip merge la doctor si spune atingind diferite parti Ale corpului: - Doctore Mladá slečna přišla k doktorovi a povídá: „Pane doktore Börje gick till doktorn för att bli undersökt. Han beskrev för doktorn att när han petade sej i pannan gjorde det ont Ateina blondinė pas daktarą ir skundžiasi: - Gydytojau Ateina blondinė pas gydytoją ir skundžiasi: - Nežinau kas man yra. Paliečiu galvą – skauda Er komt een blondje bij de dokter. Ze zegt: Dokter.. als ik op mijn buik druk Det gør ondt Dokter Det var en gång en brunett som hade gått till doktorn Llega un enfermo a ver al médico y le dice: - Doctor Blondinen gick till doktorn och sa. - Jag har jätte ont när jag nuddar knät. Doktorn frågade blondinen om det gjorde ont när hon nuddade magen. - Ja - Doctor - No sé que me pasa doctor Een man komt bij de dokter en zegt: "Als ik hier druk heb ik pijn! Als ik op mijn been druk heb ik pijn! Als ik op mijn hoofd druk heb ik pijn!" "Aha - "Dottore Temel doktora gitmis. - Hastayim doktor A man goes to the doctor and says A blonde comes to a doctor and complains: Doc Došao mujo kod doktora i kaže doktoru: Gdje god da se pipnem boli me Doktor:to je zato što imate slomljen prst Chez le docteur Un Belge se rend chez le Docteur : - Docteur A brunette goes to the doctor A young blonde goes to the doctor and says I hurt all over. The doctor says point to where you hurt. She points to her elbow and says "OW!" Then points to her head and says "OW" and then finally... I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and exclaims: "Doctor A loira estava em casa e começou à sentir dores então decidiu ir ao médico. Ao entrar na sala o médico lhe pergunta: — Pois não senhora Num certo dia o dedo de Joãozinho estava maluco Joãozinho colocava o dedo dele na perna duia colocava na cabeça duia colocava no pescoço duia ai mariazinha colocou o dedo dela na perna dele não... O português foi ao médico reclamando de dores pelo corpo todo. — Ái doutor Uma loira que pintou o cabelo de ruivo vai no médico Chega uma mulher no consultório: — Doutor meu corpo esta todo dolorido. Eu pego aki - ui ai - dói e aki - aiiiii - dói. Eu não sabia mais o que fazer e resolvi vir aqui no médico... Médico... Um certo dia Uma jovem morena vai num consultório médico e reclama que todos os lugares do seu corpo doem quando ela os toca. — Impossível - diz o doutor - mostre-me como acontece! Então Um portugues estava doente mas nao sabia o que tinha. então foi ao médico chegando lá o médico perguntou: — O que tem seu Manoel? — Nao sei doutor Português Uma morena chega com o medico e diz: Me ajude O Português vai ao medico: — Doutor Çok güzel kizil sacli bir bayan doktorun ofisine girer ve her yerinin ağrıdiğini söyler. "imkansiz" der doktor "Gösterin lütfen bana" Kizil parmagini uzatir sol gögsüne bastirir ve çiglik atar Temel doktora gitmiş: - "Çok hastayım doktor Temel bir gün doktora gider. Doktora: - "Doktor bey Er komt een dom blondje bij de dokter en zegt: "Als ik op mijn arm druk Komt een man bij de dokter en zegt : ik heb hier pijn en hier en hier en hier enz. Zegt de dokter: ha ik weet het al je hebt een gebroken vinger! Patient: Dokter mijn buik doet pijn als ik er op druk en ook heb ik hetzelfde als ik op mijn hele lichaam druk O blonda merge la doctor si se Plange ca o dor toate. - Domnule doctor
0
0
0

0
Q: Why do ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO! Q: Why don’t mummies take time off?
A: They’re afraid to unwind. Q: Why did the zombie skip school?
A: He felt rotten. Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange. Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare centers! Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life. Q: What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music. Q: Why don’t mummies have friends?
A: Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves. Q: Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
A: He heard it had great circulation. Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck. Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem. Q: What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
A: The grim sweeper. Q: Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath. Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet. Q: What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A: A sand-witch! Q: What's a witch's favorite makeup?
A: Ma-scare-a. Q: Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
A: The crossing gourd. Q: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
A: Candy corneas. Q: What type of plants do well on all Hallow’s Eve?
A: Bam-BOO! Q: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A: Because they have no-body to go with.
0
0
0
0
0
0
One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an НIV blood test.
While there, his blood got drawn and he then left.
Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the НIV test.
Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gаy guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely НIV positive."
The gаy guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?"
The doctor says to the gаy dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of сhiрs, and 20 gallons of ice cream."
The gаy then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my НIV, doctor?"
The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your НIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your аsshоlе is really for."
2
0

0
0
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Aaagh! This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Here's your $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "
0
0
During the French revolution, hundreds of people were guillotined. One day, three men were led up to die. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor, and the third was an engineer.
The lawyer was to die first. He was led to the guillotine, the attending priest blessed him, and he knelt with his head on the guillotine. The blade was released, but stopped halfway down its path.
The priest, seeing an opportunity, quickly said,
"Gentlemen, God has spoken and said this man is to be spared; we cannot кill him." The executioner agreed, and the lawyer was set free.
The doctor was next. He was blessed by the priest, then knelt and placed his head down. The blade was released, and again stopped halfway down.
Again the priest intervened:
"Gentlemen, God has again spoken; we cannot кill this man." The executioner agreed and the doctor was set free.
At last it was the engineer's turn. He was blessed by the priest, and knelt, but before he placed his head on the guillotine he looked up. Suddenly, he leapt to his feet and cried, "Oh, I see the problem!"
0
да си ГО вкара в резачката на хляб Директор на консервна фабрика получава обаждане: Мъж започнал работа в консервна фабрика. Bill travaillait dans une usine de cornichons. Il avait travaillé ici depuis plusieurs années quand il rentra chez lui un soir Roger travaille dans une conserverie de légumes industrielle. ça fait quelques années déjà qu'il fait ce boulot Een man werkt in een augurkenfabriek. Op een avond komt hij thuis en zucht tegen z'n vrouw: "Schat O sujeito trabalhava há anos em uma fábrica de conservas e um dia confessa para a mulher que era possuído de uma terrível compulsão: ele tinha uma vontade enorme de colocar seu pinto em um cortador...
0