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Food Jokes

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What does an annoying pepper do?
It get's jalapeño face
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Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?
Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
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Cannibal Son:
Mom, I don't like my brother anymore.Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there. It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.
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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
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A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies:
"My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl:
"Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question:
"If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
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"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."
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Little Johnny was always late for school.
When asked why he said he had to eat his popsicle.
Without thinking the teacher told him to eat half his popsicle and save the other half in his pocket.
Next day Johnny was on time.
The teacher had history class.
"What are the people in Asia called", she asked a student.
"Asians", said the student.
"What are the people in Africa called".
"Africans" said the student.
Then she asked Johnny, "What are the people in Europe called", but Johnny didn't know so the girl behind him whispered, "Euro pean."
To that Johnny said, "No I'm not, that's just my popsicle."
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- Искам кученце за Коледа! - Не може! Ще ядеш свинско като всички...
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?" 
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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4 или 6? Blonde & Pizza Die Blondine und die Pizza Ποιος θα τα φάει; Аз пицата си я режа на четири парчета… Блондинка влиза в пицария и си поръчва пица. Една блондинка си поръчала пица по телефона. A loira liga para a pizzaria e pede uma pizza. — A senhora quer que eu corte a pizza em quatro ou em oito pedaços? A loira pensa um pouco e responde: — Por favor Ruft ne Blondine beim Pizzaservice an. "Eine Pizza Margherita bitte!" Esto es una rubia que entra en una pizzería y el encargado le pregunta: -¿Desea que le corte su pizza en 4 o en 8? - Solo en cuatro Przychodzi blondynka do baru i zamawia pizzę. Kelner pyta: - W 6 czy 12 kawałkach? - W 6 Pizzabagaren: - Ska jag skära pizzan i sex eller tolv bitar? - Ole: - Sex Une blonde commande une pizza : - Bonjour je voudrais une 4 fromages s'il vous plait - On vous la découpe en 6 parts ou 12 ? - En 6 Se encontraban Nito y Neto en su viña y le dice Nito a Neto: Neto Vad svarar blondinen Una rubia encarga una pizza y el pizzero le pregunta si la corta en seis o en ocho porciones. La rubia responde: - Córtela en seis Een blondje heeft een pizza besteld als ineens de ober vraagt of hij de pizza in 6 stukken of in 12 stukken moet snijden. Waarop het blondje antwoordt: “Nou El pizzero le pregunta al cliente: - ¿Le corto su pizza en 4 u 8 pedazos? Y el cliente le contesta: - En 4 nomás En blondine kommer ind på et pizzaria. pizzamanden: hvilken pizza vil du bestille? blondinen: en skinke pizza pizzamanden: vil du have pizzaen skåret ud i 4 Een dom blondje gaat naar de pizzeria en bestelt een pizza Margerita Zegt de pizzaman na een tijdje wil je de pizza in 6 of in 10 stukken gesneden?? Zegt het domme blondje; in 6 stukken Blondynka zamówiła pizzę. Sprzedawca pyta się Заходить блондинка в кафе і замовляє піцу. Офіціант запитує: — Вам піцу порізати на 6 шматків чи 12? Блондинка: — Ні Er komt een domkop bij de pizzeria. Hij bestelt een pizza. Wanneer de pizza klaar is Blondýnka si objednala pizzu. Číšník se ptá: „Chcete ji rozřezat na šest O sujeito está viajando de carro e de repente lhe dá fome. Ele para num posto à beira da estrada e vê que o restaurante é uma pizzaria. Ele chega ao balcão e pede uma pizza mista Um economista (de alguma universidade) andava devagar e foi a uma pizzaria. O balconista perguntou se queria que cortasse a pizza em oito ou em seis pedaços. “Estou com bastante fome. Seria melhor... O blonda intra intr-o pizzerie Blondi oli pizzaa ostamassa. Myyjä kysyi: - Leikataanko kuuteen vai kahteentoista palaan? Blondi vastasi: - Kuuteen Sarışın biri bi pizza ısmarlar. Pizacı sorar: 6 parçayamı böleyim Bellan var på en pizzeria och skulle köpa en hel pizza. - Vill du ha 4 eller 8 bitar? Frågar killen på pizzerian. Bellman svarar: - 4 ¿ En cuántos trozos te corto la pizza? ¿En cuatro o en seis? En cuatro que yo seis no soy capaz de comerme. Bemegy egy rendőr a pizzériába Ateina blondinė į piceriją. Prie jos prieina padavėjas ir klausia: - Panele Une blonde appelle la pizzeria pour passer une commande : L'employé : "En combien de morceaux la pizza? 6? 12? La blonde : "En 6 voyons ! Je ne pourrais jamais manger 12 morceaux toute seule! Uma loira com muita fome O blonda se duce la o pizzerie. Vine ospatarul si comanda o pizza. Cand vine cu Pizza
A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house.
They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says,
"Cut it into 6, I could never eat 12 pieces."
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What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.
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Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
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Customer:
"Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter:
"Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
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Yo momma’s so sтuрid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
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Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
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