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Food Jokes

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A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun."
"Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII."
"Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.
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Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
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Майка сготвила за вечеря домашен заек. Un papa cuisine du lapin. Les enfants adorent ce petit animal ! Donc le papa ne dit pas ce que c'est. La petite fille mange et le petit garçon dit:
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said:
"Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screamed to her brother,:
"Don't eat it. Its an аsshоlе!
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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sеx. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
"Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."
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I was forced to swallow purple food color.
I feel violated.
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They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry
But it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
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I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?
Seizure salad.
I peed
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My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats
"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.
Edit: Wow! Who knew that by posting an original joke I'd get this many upvotes! That's nuts!
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My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
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Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?
It has better reflexes than the twin towers.
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Walks Into a Bar... Menu мужик читает прейскурант в кафе на заправке: гамбургер-2$ ...... Όχι μασάζ Мъж влиза в бар и чете надпис: Влиза мъж в кафене и чете менюто: Мъж чете ценовата листа в кафене: Un homme entre dans un restoroute. Il rentre O mineirinho entra num boteco O mineiro chega no buteco e ve anunciado: Sanduiche de queijo...............2 Un homme va dans un bar et voit une pancarte inscrit dessus: "Bière : 3€ Sandwich : 7€ Masturbation : 30€" Alors l'homme s'installe à une table et accoste la  jolie serveuse: - Salut C'est Toto qui marche dans la rue avec son père puis il dit: Toto: regarde papa un avion! Son père: oui Toto j'ai vu. Toto: regarde papa une voiture. Son père : oui Toto j'ai encore vu.  Toto:...
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
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What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his аss.
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How do you starve a niggеr?
Hide his food stamps under his work boots
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Se reunieron en el infierno Fidel Die Amis konnten eine Telefonverbindung in den Himmel schalten. Direktgespräch mit Petrus. Kosten für eine Minute: 70 Millionen Dollar. Die Russen schalten eine Woche später ebenfalls eine Telefonverbindung - in die Hölle: Unbegrenzte Sprechdauer mit Luzifer persönlich. Kosten: 1 Rubel. Warum?... George Bush Estavam no inferno Bill Clinton e FHC There were three guys in Hell - Iranian Iad. Putin Bill Clinton e Fernando Henrique estavam no inferno Volají Američané Rusům
3 people died and went to Неll. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.
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What’s a lеsвiаns favorite type of food?
Finger-Food
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I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”
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What food makes women stop giving вlоw jobs?
Wedding cake
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These times are harder on people with disabilities.
My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table
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