A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the pavement in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man.
“Hi there little girl, I’m the leader of the Labour Party, Ed Miliband.
What do you have in the basket?” he asked.
“Kittens,” little Suzy said.
“How old are they?” asked Miliband.
Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.”
“And what kind of kittens are they?”
“Labour supporters,” answered Suzy with a smile.
Miliband was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two of them agreed that he should return the next day;
And in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again on the pavement with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,”
When Milliband’s motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from BBC, ITV, ABC, CNN and Sky News,
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Miliband got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.”
“Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They’re UKIP supporters.”
Taken by surprise, Ed stammered, “But…but…yesterday, you told me they were LABOUR SUPPORTERS.”
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know.
But today, they have their eyes open.”
Come all ye fair young maidens and listen to me,
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
Randier than a sailor who’s been six months at sea,
Never let a cricketer’s hand an inch above your knee.
First let’s take the paceman, pure speed from first to last!
My darlings do be careful; his ваlls are hard and fast.
Then there’s the medium pacer, his ваlls swing either way;
He’s really most persistent and can keep it up all day!
And watch for the off-sрinnеr, girls, another awkward chap.
If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!
Then there’s the wily ‘slowy’, pure cunning is his strength;
He’ll tempt you, then he’ll trap you with his very subtle length.
So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree.
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease!
He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease.
The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes.
When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes..
And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two;
When he arrives at the crease then only six will do.
Then there’s the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he’s about;
And if you let him settle in, it’s hard to get him out!
We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock,
He doesn’t mind if he’s last man in, as long as he gets a knock.
So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me:
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And watch the wicketkeeper, girls, he’s full of flair and dash;
And if you raise your heel, he’ll whip them off in a flash.
If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score;
Or he’ll have you in positions that you never knew before!
The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke,
He watches all the action and describes it sтrоке by sтrоке.
Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup;
You’ll quickly find you’ve had it, when he puts his finger up!
So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me:
!!!!Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be!!!!!
How’s that !
Having shot a moose two Antartians began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.
On the way they were stopped by a game warden. "Let me see your hunting licenses boys," he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice.
"Sure!" the hunters agreed.
"Well boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail."
"Aye, O. K. and thanks," said the lads.
After about five minutes one said to the other, "Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?"
"Aye, you're right," said his friend, "but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"
A mechanic was working under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "It was pretty good, really. I think I'll have a little more today."
His friend was a little concerned, but didn't say anything. The next day, "Hey, I drank a whole glass of brake fluid. Great stuff! I'm going to have more." A few days later, he was up to a bottle a day.
"You know," said his buddy, "that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better cut out drinking that stuff."
"Hey, no problem. I can stop any time!"