Halloween Jokes

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Today's Halloween Specials:
Ghoulash, scream beans, scalped potatoes, and Mummy's tomb-make booberry pie with I scream.

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A ghost joke
What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off?
Ban-she Ban-she!
A vampire joke
What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?
A coffin break!
A witch joke
Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in blotches?
Because it was an 'appy rash!
A Halloween joke
Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party?
Because he just came to pick up his sister!
A cannibal joke
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
A witch joke
Why did the witch wear a green felt pointy hat?
So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen!
A witch joke
What has six legs and flies?
A witch giving her cat a ride!

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For Halloween I'm dressing up as my wife because it's a fuскing nightmare.

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For Halloween I'm going to go as a normal person with no mask since that seems to scare the shiт out of everyone.

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Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I've been wearing a mask and eating candy for 7 months now, I don't think I need a day dedicated to it anymore.

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If Obama controlled Halloween, would he take all the candy from the kids trick-or-treated and give it to the kids who didn't trick-or-treat?

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What’s the turkey’s favorite Halloween costume?
A gobble-in.

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What’s a potato’s favourite song to dance to at a Halloween party?
The ‘Monster Mash’.

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Who did the hotel hire to work over Halloween? A skeleton crew.

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What is the most common Halloween outfit for a pig to dress up as?
Frankenswine.

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What did the frog dress up as for Halloween?
A prince.

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“Halloween dress code requirements: whatever will get me most candy.”

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Yo' mama so ugly, they give her an extra 364 days for Halloween!

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Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks.
Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven."
Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

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Q: What do rednecks do on Halloween?
A: Pump kin.

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Yo momma's so ugly, in September, folk say, "Dамn it, can't believe it's Halloween already. "

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Yo momma's so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

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Q) Why do witches wear name tags? A) So they will know which witch is which.
Q) What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? A) Broom-mates
Q) What is a little witch's favorite subject in school? A) Spell-ing
Q) How does a witch tell time? A) She looks at her witch-watch.
Q) Why did the witch give up fortune telling? A) Because there was no future in it.
Q) What is the difference between a witch and the letters ";M, A, K, E, S?" A) One makes spells and the other spells "makes."
Q) What did the witch serve her friends who dropped in at dinner time? A) Potluck
Q) How do you make a witch itch? A) Take away the "w."
Q) Why is a witch's face like a million dollars? A) It's green and wrinkly.
Q) What do witches use on their hair? A) Scare spray.

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