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Вицове за Хелоуин English Halloween-Witze Chistes de Halloween Анекдоты про Хэллоуин Blagues d'Halloween Barzellette di Halloween Αστεία για το Χάλοουιν Вицови за Ноќта на Вештерките Cadılar Bayramı Şakaları Жарти на Хелловін Piadas de Halloween Żarty na Halloween Halloween-skämt Halloween-grappen Halloween-vitser Halloween-vitser Halloween-vitsit Halloween viccek Glume de Halloween Vtipy o Halloweenu Halloween'o juokai Joki par Helovīnu Vicevi o Noći vještica
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Halloween Jokes

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Yo momma is so ugly, she works as a halloween mask model 12 months a year.
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Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.
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Yo mama is so ugly, people convinced her that it was Halloween every day so she would wear a mask.
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Chuck Norris doesn't dress up for Halloween, he's scary enough.
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I'm dressing as a democrat this Halloween. I'm going to take half of all the kids candy and give it to the kids who were too lazy to go trick-r-treating.
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Just been watching the news and it’s f*ckin terrifying. Election night has now officially become more scary than Halloween.
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Next halloween I'm dressing up as father time so I can walk around and tell b*tches "suск my clock, you could вlоw some time".
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Halloween Funnies I
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit !
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
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O ne year at  Halloween, the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.
When one couple arrived, he announced, “Mickey and Minnie Mouse”. As the next couple arrived he announced “Tarzan and Jane”, and so on as each guest arrived.
Later in the evening, a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants, but apart from that totally nакеd from head to toe. “Who do you think you are?” demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local University Computer Science department, the doorman asked “How shall I announce you?”
The man said, “I’m premature еjасulатiоn.”
“I’m very sorry sir,” said the doorman in obvious shock, “I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.”
“Okay.” said the professor. “Just say I came in my pants.”
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As I was waiting in the Doctor's office the day after Christmas I accidentally overheard a conversation between the desk employee and another patient on the phone.
Employee:
"Ma'am the Doctor's office will be closed for the next few days due to the snow storm headed into town. Would you please choose a date to reschedule? Would sometime next week be fine?
I could hear the patient on the phone getting upset and not wanting to change her appointment.
Trying to be as polite as he could, the employee began again:
"But ma'am when you show up this week for your appointment no one will be here because of the snow storm."
I then heard yelling from the woman on the line before she abruptly hung up. The employee shook his head in disbelief. Trying to make his day a little better I said,
"You would think after Christmas people would have a better attitude."
Employee:
"She's more Halloween than Christmas!"
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Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."
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This Week’s Headlines You may have missed: …
• Chicago Police Will Use Orange Chalk To Outline Bodies During The Week Before Halloween…
• One of 10,000 Monkeys Sitting At 10,000 Typewriters cranks out “The Quick Brown Foxegty[57klfd@t”…
• Prisoner Undergoes Colostomy Surgery After Dropping Soap In the Gang Shower…
• Slide Rule Manufacturer Begs For Government Subsidies to Stay in Business…
• Bull In Fitting Room Complains that Jerseys Aren’t Tight Enough…
• NBC Ponders New TV Series:
“Airline Tragedies” A Pilot Is Being Put Together As I Write…
• Рrоsтiтuте Installs Card Reader in Vulvа; Johns Can Swipe their VISA or MasterCard Before Shаgging…
• Attractive 3rd Grader Demands Russell Stover Dark Chocolates From Strangers…
• Olives Suffer Depression Because They Aren’t Ugly Enough to Make Extra Virgin Olive Oil…
• Beauty Mark on Model’s Face Leaves to Pursue a Solo Career…
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Halloween night there were all sorts of spooks out in the neighborhood trick-or-treating.
To be fair and objective, there were some Caucasians knocking on the doors too, cadging for candy bars.
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Yo momma is hairy she goes as a werewolf every Halloween.
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I killed a vampire on Halloween this year... or a kid.
Either way, the wooden stake worked.
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A man has died and three others were injured after several stabbings in Croydon on Halloween.
Fuck me, Michael Myers is losing his touch.
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During halloween, I gave candy to every kids who came across my house. I remember seeing a person dressed as Darth Vader. So i thought that it would be okay to shout "he is the dark side!"
It was until he took off his helmet and realised that it was black man.
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My thalidomide friend has fallen out with me after I dressed him for Halloween.
I thought he looked fuскing awesome but he wasn’t impressed at all.
I don’t get what his problem is, personally I think he looked fuскing awesome as a T-Rex!
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