Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see the magic show and rushes down to the big top. He reaches the gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent.
“Where’s the magic show?”, he breathlessly asks one employee.
The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute, the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room only to find the magician ready to leave.
“I’m here for the magic show”, the guy tells the magician.
“Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I’m going home.” replies the magician.
“Look”, says the man, “I just paid good money to come in and see a magic show and that’s what I expect!”
Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, “Buddy, I’ve been here all day and I’d like to go home and see my wife and kids.”
With that, the customer becomes more irate and demands that he be shown at least one magic trick.
“Ok, you want to see a magic trick?!”, the magician asks. “Pull down your pants.”
The man looks skeptical but does as he’s told.
“Now bend over and grab your ankles.” As he does the magician walks behind him and the man flinches. “There,” asks the magician, “Can you feel my finger in your аss?”
The man winces and replies, “Yeah.”
The magician holds both of his hands over the guy’s back, wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, “Ta-Dah.”
Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked
"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered, "there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest сriме rate..."
"Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said,
"Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
There are three women. One is dating, one is engaged, and one is married. They decide to get кinкy with their men and really pull out all the stops to make it extra special. The woman who is dating says, “Okay, so I bought black leather, red lipstick, fishnet stockings, and really got crazy. He loved it so much he thinks he’s in love.” The woman who is engaged says, “I showed up to his work after hours wearing only a red coat. Let’s just say he wants to move the wedding date up!” The woman who is married says, “Okay, I really went all out. I got a babysitter for the kids, and bought a black mask and a whip. My husband gets home, goes straight to the fridge, and grabs a вееr. Then he plops down on the couch and says, 'Hey Batman! Where the fuск is dinner?!?'"