Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange :
Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Citibank:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank:
'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Citibank:
'Excuse me?'
Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank:
'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member:
'Sure.' (Fax number was given)
After they get the fax :
Citibank:
'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank:
'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank:
'That might help...'
Family Member:
' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Citibank:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member:
'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
You wondered why Citi is going broke and need the feds to bail them out!!
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get sсrеwеd!"
The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man though maybe I need to get a lawyer. So he and his lawyer get to the IRS’s office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. The man says yes I do, I’m a gambler. The agent says you gamble with that much money. He man says yes, I’ll give you an example. Alright I bet you 5,000$ that I can bite my left eye. Agent says alright deal. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agents says that not fair. The man says I’ll let you get your money back or even more, I bet you 7,500$ I can bite my right eye. He agents thinking I didn’t see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says that’s not fair. The man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I’ll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and рiss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. The agent says that’s impossible you’ve got a deal. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he’s laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what’s wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could рiss on your desk and you’d just love it.