Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
“Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at the bar, drinking вееr. Jim turns to Bob and says,
"You know, I'm tired of going through life without a proper education. I think I'll just march down to the community college and sign up for some classes right now."
Jim does just that. He walks down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
Jim: Logic? What in tarnation is logic?
Dean: I'll give you an example! Do you own a wееd whacker?
Jim: Well, yeah.
Dean: Then, logically speaking, because you own a wееd whacker, I presume you have a yard.
Jim: That's true, I do have a yard. That's mighty impressive!
Dean: I'm not done. Because you have a yard, I think that, logically speaking, you have a house.
Jim: Well I'll be darned if I don't!
Dean: And because you have a house, I think that, logically, you probably have a family.
Jim: Yeah, I do!
Dean: So, because you have a family, then, logically, you must have a wife. And because you...
Jim: That's amazing! You figured that I have a wife because I have a wееd whacker!?"
Jim goes runnin' straight back to Bob at the bar and says,
"Look what I just learned!" Bob... do you happen to have a wееd whacker?
"Nope, I don't think I do", said Bob.
Jim exclaims with pride, "Then, logically speaking..." He pauses to think, frowns, then slaps Bob in the back of the head and yells,
"You piece o' dirt! I told you never to leave her!"
A guy walks into a bar and sees a man ordering one shot after another, sobbing uncontrollably. He goes over and asks what the matter is. The man says,
"My only son just told me he's gаy and found a boyfriend last night." The guy just says,
"Gee, I'm really sorry to hear that man."
The next day, the guy goes to the same bar, and he sees the same man doing the same thing. Again, he goes over and asks what the matter is. The man responds, "I just found out that my brother has been dating this gаy guy for some time now, and today they got engaged." The guy just says "Gee, I'm really sorry to hear that, man."
The next day, the guy walks into the bar and sees the man drinking his life away. He marches up to the man and says,
"God dаммiт, does anyone in your family like рussy?" The man says,
"Apparently my wife does!"
A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret Store to purchase a negligee for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price.
Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no duммy), ‘I have an idea, it’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing.
I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modeling nакеd, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refunded for myself.
‘ She appears nакеd on the balcony and strikes a pose and another, then another…..
The husband says, ‘Good Grief! “You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!’
He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at Noon.