Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

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Efter en lång tids sjukdom dog en kvinna och kom till porten till himlen. När hon väntade på Sankte Pär tjuvtittade hon igenom porten. Hon såg ett underbart dukat bord. Runt bordet satt hennes föräldrar och andra människor som hon kände sedan tidigare. Alla hälsade glatt. När Sankte Pär kom... Um rapaz viajava de carro com a sogra. Houve um acidente e os dois morreram instantaneamente. O genro chegou ao céu e São Pedro lhe disse: Aqui tem muita gente Una mujer se muere. Al llegar al cielo After a long illness C'est l'histoire d'un couple qui se disputait tout le temps. Un jour
A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.
She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?"
To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."
The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."
The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-o-v-e."
St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom. "I'd be honored," she said,
"But what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?"
St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman to simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates. She realizes it is her loser husband. "What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,
"I was so drunк when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?"
To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."
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John and Mary had been high school sweethearts,but they had never had sеx.
“We will wait until we get married,”Mary insisted.
So john waited,and waited,and waited. Finally,after three years of engagement,they got married.
On their wedding night,Mary comes out of the bathroom and says”I have some bad news,I’m on my period and I don’t want our first time to be вlооdy.”
“You have got to be fсuкing joking!”screamed John.
“Look,I’m sorry,”said Mary,”but we will have to wait a bit longer.”
Mary then got into bed and went to sleep. At about 3am,Mary woke,got up to get a drink and when she got back to bed,she noticed John was wide awake,just glaring at the ceiling.
“It’s no use John,it’s just not going to happen,so you might as well go back to sleep.”said Mary.
“I wish I could!”replied John,”but my соск is so fсuкing swollen and hard that there’s not enough fсuкing skin left to close my eyes with!!!”
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A man calls home to his wife and says,
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says,
"Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."
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