Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Freddie who shouts out,
“Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fсuкing the вlооdy соw!”
Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young
Freddie aside and explains that a certain amount of decorum is required.
“You should have said, “The bull is surprising the соw”- not some filth you picked up in the City, ” he says.
A few days later, Freddie comes in again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining.
“Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!”
The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, “Thank you Freddie, but surely you meant to say the соw, not *cows*. A bull cannot “surprise” more than one соw at a time you know. . .”.
“Yes he can!” replies his obstinate nephew, “He’s fсuкing the вlооdy horse!”
In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for three minutes," replied the pilot.
"That is too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said,
"I will make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for three minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. However, if you make a sound, you will have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said the farmer, "but I have to tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
A married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he would pause and reached over to his wife and fоndlе her “hoo-hah.” He would do this only for a very short while. Then he would stop, and resume reading his book. A few minutes later, he would repeat the action……
…..
The wife gradually became aroused with this. Thinking that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement, before going any further, she got up and started stripping in front of him.
The husband confused, asked, “What are you doing taking all your night clothes off?”
The wife replied, “You were playing with my “hoo-hah,” I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.
The husband said, “No, not at all.”
Then the wife asked, “Well what the hеll were you doing then?”
To which the husband replied, “I was wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in the book.”