Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

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This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired. He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000. from non-payers, however he was greedy and hid the money for himself.
It didn't take long for the mafia bosses to catch on, so they sent a couple of thugs and an interpreter to find the collector. They found him, took him to an abandoned warehouse and the two thugs told the interpreter to ask the collector, “where's da money?”
The interpreter signed to the collector and the collecter signed back, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
The interpreter told them what he had said and one of the thugs pulled out a 38 revolver and stuck it in the collector's ear. He told the interpreter to ask the collector about the money again. The interpreter asked.
The collector signed back, “It's in a tree stump in Central Park 50 yards east of the main fountain!”
The interpreter tells the thugs, “He said he still doesn't know what your talking about and you don't have the guts to pull that trigger!”
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A woman is very distressed because she has not been married very long and yet her husband has lost interest in sеx. So she goes to see her doctor and relays the problem.
The doctor doesn’t seem worried at all and tells her that it is nothing serious, that her husband has merely lost his animal instincts. The doctor tells her to crumble some dog biscuits on her husband’s cereal every morning without telling him, and little by little this will bring out the savage beast in him. He wishes her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress report.
A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her husband is.
“He’s dead,” she replies.
“Dead?” the doctor asked.
“Yes. He was sitting in the driveway licking his ваlls, and I backed over him with the car.”
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One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Freddie who shouts out,
“Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fсuкing the вlооdy соw!”
Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young
Freddie aside and explains that a certain amount of decorum is required.
“You should have said, “The bull is surprising the соw”- not some filth you picked up in the City, ” he says.
A few days later, Freddie comes in again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining.
“Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!”
The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, “Thank you Freddie, but surely you meant to say the соw, not *cows*. A bull cannot “surprise” more than one соw at a time you know. . .”.
“Yes he can!” replies his obstinate nephew, “He’s fсuкing the вlооdy horse!”
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