Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
Three vampires are in a castle in Transylvania discussing how strong and powerful they are. The youngest of the group slams his fist on the table and exclaims, “I am the fastest out of us three! Watch this!”
He bursts out the window transforming into a bat and flies towards a small village. 2 minutes later, he returns with his face covered in blood.
“What happened?!” the other two Vampires ask.
“You know that village by the woods?” the youngest Vampire explained. “I flew down there, killed and drank the blood of an entire family, and flew back here before they even knew what hit them.”
“Very impressive!” shouted the second vampire. “But you’re 1000 years too young to be faster than I!” and he burst threw the same window as the first, headed to the village. 1 minute later, the second vampire returned to the room through the window, his face a mask of blood.
“What happened?” exclaimed the other two vampires.
“That same village you went too? Many villagers gathered around the house you attacked to see what had happened. I managed to кill and drink the blood of five whole families and get back here before they even knew what hit them.”
“Very impressive….” said the eldest vampire quietly. “But you are also 1000 years too young to be faster than I. I AM THE STRONGEST and FASTEST vampire alive!” and in a flash, the eldest vampire was through the window. 15 seconds later, the eldest returned to the room, his face drenched in blood.
“What happened?!” exclaimed the other two vampires.
“Did you see that tree the villagers planted years ago at the front of their village?”
“Of course.” said the other two vampires.
“Well, I did not.”
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach! ”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be? ”
“Well, you can get вiggеr nets and catch more fish! ” was the businessman’s answer. “And then what will my reward be? ” asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish! ”
“And then what will my reward be? ” asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a вiggеr boat, and hire some people to work for you! ” he said. “And then what will my reward be? ” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you! ”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be? ” The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world! ”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what the fсuк do you think I’m doing right now? “