Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
My wife came home with a new pair of shoes,
“I’ve bought a pair of fсuк me shoes, ” she said,
“great, get them on and lets get upstairs, ” I said,
“no, it’s not those type, it’s the type that are going to make you say, ‘Fсuк me!’ when you see the price, ” she replied.
A former рrоsтiтuте with a rather well used vаginа that has been somewhat stretched, is given a proposal of marriage by a man she meets in a bar one night.
She thinks it over, and she decides to accept his proposal.
Her private parts are somewhat oversized from her former occupation, but she decides to approach the problem after they are married.
On their wedding night, she explains the problem by saying that when she was a small child; she got her privates caught on some barbed wire while climbing over a fence, which explains why her vаginа is so big.
They make wild and passionate love for most of the night, and in the early hours of the morning, her husband, after regaining his breath, turns to her and says, “I can understand your private parts being stretched by this barbed wire, my dear, but just HOW far across the field were you before you noticed?”
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on.
She went to her husband, a retired MARINE and asked, “Honey, do you remember this?”
He looked up from his newspaper and said “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”
She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said, Oh baby, I’m going to suск the life out of those воовs and sсrеw your brains out.”
She giggled and said “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee.
What do you have to say tonight?”
He looked her up and down and said, ” Mission Accomplished.”