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Why did the redneck school stop teaching sеx ed?
They needed the car for driver's ed.
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How do you know that an auto mechanic just had sеx?
One of his fingers is clean
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A young married couple maintains a strict sеxuаl schedule. Every day, the husband and wife get home from work at 5 p.m. and have sеx at 5:15 p.m.
One day, the wife comes down with the flu and goes on antibiotics. The medicine kills all the germs, except for three, who huddle together inside her body to talk over survival tactics.
One germ decides to hide from the antibiotics between two toes on her left foot. The second germ decides to hide behind her right ear.
The last germ says, "You guys do what you want, but when the 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it."
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Q: Why don't rabbits make noise when they have sеx?
A: They have cotton ваlls.
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Q: Why is air a lot like sеx?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is it a sin to have sеx before receiving communion?
He replied, "Only if you block the aisle."
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Q: What is the square root of 69?
A: Eight something.
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Fred, Bob and Mike visit a whоrеhоusе.
Fred comes out of the first bedroom and says, "She put a powdered donut on my d**k."
Bob comes out of the second bedroom and says, "She put a glazed donut on my d**k."
Mike comes out of the third bedroom, holding two dollars. Fred and Bob ask, "Did she donut you?"
"No" says Mike, "she told me to go and buy a box of Cheerios."
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Why do women have legs?
So they can get from the bedroom to the kitchen!
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A young woman goes to church and confesses her sins to the priest.
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?"
"No," the priest says, "but it'll wipe that smile off your face!"
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Q: What aren't blondes sexually active?
A: Because they just lie there.
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Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in Texas. One day Trevor rides on his bike into town and he sees a building on fire, so he goes back home and tells his brother, "Herman, Herman there is a fire and people are getting burned!"
His brother says "Oh, that was on the radio - that's old news.
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a bank being robbed, so he rides back home and says "Herman, Herman there is bank being robbed and people are getting shot and killed!"
His brother says, "Oh that was on the radio - that's old news."
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a pig stuck in a fence and starts to thinkin'... Then he rides home and says, "Herman Herman! I had my first sequal experience today!"
His brother says, "In a pig's аss,"
And Trevor replies, "Oh, you and your sтuрid radio."
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A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. "You're cute," says the woman, "do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sеx?"
"You bet!'' exclaims the hillbilly, "But I have to tell you, I'm a virgin. I've always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite."
"Don't worry," the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. "Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?" she asks.
"How could you possible have teeth down there?" he says, "Look at the shape your gums are in."
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A farmer finds a man sсrеwing one of his sheep and a little boy watching.
He walks up to the boy and asks, "Who's that sсrеwing my sheep?"
The boy replies, "That's my Daa-aa-aad."
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Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sеx.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
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Blonde in Disguise Gefärbte Blondine beim Schäfer Der Schäfer und der TT Fahrer Η ΒΑΜΕΝΗ ΞΑΝΘΙΑ блондинка решила доказать Една мутра пътува със своя джип. На една блондинка много и се подигравали Некој овчар си пасел овци Cansada das brincadeiras sobre sua burrice There was a typical blonde. She had long Eine Blondine A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet.... There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So Do bacy wypasającego owieczki przyjeżdża człowiek w średnim wieku. Po wyjściu z samochodu pyta: - Baco Un touriste en train de faire une randonnée en montagne croise un troupeau de moutons avec son berger. Ils discutent de tout et de rien et sur la proposition du touriste en viennent à faire un... A blonde desserts her home town out of shame Er was er eens een herder die met zijn schapen langs de kant van de weg liep. Plots dook er een spiksplinternieuwe Cherokee Jeep op Een dom blondje loopt op de Veluwe en ziet daar een herder met zijn schaapjes lopen. "Oh wat leuk" zegt het domme blondje tegen de herder En blondine blev træt af alle de blondine vittigheder der var Det var en gång en blondin Det var en gang en blondine som var lei av alle blondine-vitsene Rigtig blondine? Blondinen er træt af at blive kaldt dum så hun tager en sort paryk på og kører sig en tur i bilen. Hun kommer til et vejkryds hvor der står en hyrde med sine får. Blondinen vil... One day a blonde woman named Sally finally got tired of everyone assuming she was stupid because of her hair color. She decided to go to the hairdressers and have her hair dyed brown. Feeling quite... Once upon a time A blonde got tired of everyone treating her like she was dumb so she decided to dye her hair brown. She went out and about in the world to prove that she was smart. She came upon a sheep farmer and... A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of Jede přebarvená blondýnka na kole a potká baču se stádem ovcí. V dobrém rozmaru navrhne: „Když ti povím Sikke et får En blondine ville bevise over for sig selv og for andre Blondinen på landet Så var der blondinen der farvede sit hår og kørte en tur på landet. Efter et stykke tid blev hun stoppet af en hel masse får der blokerede vejen. Blondinen fandt frem til...
Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want."
The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep."
The farmer exclaims, "Wow - you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep."
The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him.
"Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one."
"Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted."
And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my dog."
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A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"
"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."
"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"
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A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.
The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and вrа off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed.
So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this."
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