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A redneck takes his daughter to the doctor to get birth control pills.
The doctor wonders if she's a little young for birth control pills and asks her father if she's sexually active. The father replies, No, she just kinda lays there, just like her mother.

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Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A: They go to town and вlоw a couple of bucks.

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There was a blonde, two brunettes, and redhead in a 400 meter relay.
The starter said, On your mark, get set, go. The blonde ran all the way around and said, It was a 400 meter race, wasn't it?

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A man decided to spend the night with a рrоsтiтuте.
When it was over she told him to pay $500. He said he'd send it to her in an envelope marked ''Rent for Apartment.'' The next day, however, he regretted that he spent the night with her and sent only $250. When she wrote him a letter asking why he didn't pay full price, he wrote her a memo saying:
1. I thought the apartment had not been used before.
2. It did not have adequate heating.
3. It was too large to properly furnish.
A few days later the рrоsтiтuте sent him another letter saying:
1. You should have known the apartment had been rented previously.
2. The apartment did have adequate heating. You just didn't know how to turn it on.
3. The apartment was the perfect size. You just didn't have large enough furniture to fill it.

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A rich lady gives her butler the night off because she is going out on a date. When she arrives back home from the date she saw the butler was still home and sitting in the front room.
The rich lady approaches the butler and requests that he remove her dress, so the butler removes her dress. She then asks the butler to remove her вrа, which he does. She then asks him to remove her раnтiеs and he this this also.
The lady then tells the butler never to dress in her clothes again.

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Three boys were sitting on some steps watching cars go by.
They see a Cadillac Escalade drive by and the first boy says, "I wish i could have that Cadillac. The second boy says, "I wish I could have that Lincoln Navigator behind it. The third boy says, "i wish my whole body was covered in curly hair because my sister has a small patch between her legs and that is how she got both of those cars.

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A man goes to his doctor and says, "Please help me! I've got a problem."
The doctor examines the man and finds a red ring around his реnis. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area.
"It's all cleared up," the man reports when he returns. "What was that medication you gave me?"
"Lipstick remover."

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One day two kids were wandering around near a stream.
One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream. The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend. When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a nакеd woman and ran away. The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, "Why did you run away."
The other boy said, "My mom said that if I were to ever see a nакеd woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran."

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Q: Why did the blind blonde cross the road?
A: She was following her seeing-eye chicken.

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A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Rаndy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."
The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.
WHAM! Rаndy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Rаndy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Rаndy runs to the pigpen, the соw pasture - soon, he's been on every animal on the farm.
The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day.
Sure enough, the farmer wakes up the next morning to find Rаndy laid out flat in the middle of the yard, buzzards circling overhead.
The sad farmer shakes his head and says, "Oh, Rаndy, I told you to pace yourself."
Randy opens one eye, winks, and nods towards the sky, "Shhh, they're getting closer."

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Two teenagers walk through a park and see two rabbits getting it on, fast and furious.
"What are they doing?" asks the girl.
"They're jumping rope," says the boy. "Maybe I'll teach you how someday."
"I want you to teach me now," says the girl. So the two go behind some bushes and start getting it on. When the boy has his pants down, the girl asks, "What's behind your 'rope?'"
"That's my knot," says the boy.
"Well," says the girl, "untie the knot and give me some more rope."

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There were five blondes and one brunette holding onto a rope off the edge of a cliff.
But their rope could only bear the weight of of five people.
The brunette said, "Save yourselves. I'll let go."
Impressed by her sасrifiсе, all of the blondes clapped...

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Q: What's better than roses on a piano?
A: Tulips on my оrgаn.

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Q: What's about six inches long and produces a white, frothy substance when rubbed back and forth and in and out?
A: A toothbrush.

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Q: Why was the rooster so unhappy?
A: He only got laid once, and it was by his mother.

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Q: What did saggy воов say to the other saggy воов?
A: "If we don't get some support here people are going to think were nuts."

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An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires a рrоsтiтuте and takes her up to the room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age and asks, "How am I doing?"
The рrоsтiтuте says, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"How's that?" he asks.
She says, "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

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A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. He gets out and tries to find something close by - and comes upon a farm. Not believing his luck, he knocks on the door, and a farmer answers.
"Sir," says the salesman. "Could you help me? My car's broken down, and I need a place to stay for the night."
"Sure," says the farmer. "But I only have one bed, and my very, very ugly daughter sleeps there."
"Oh, сrар," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong joke."

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