A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her.
He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, she answered,
''Yes, we use it when we have sеxuаl inтеrсоursе.''
The interviewer was amazed. He said,
''I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose. But I know that most people really use it for sеxuаl inтеrсоursе, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?''
''We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out.''
Three bored girls are sitting around, and one of them suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
The first girl says, "I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause seven days a week, he's up."
The second girl answers, "I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."
The third girl replies, "Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."
Her friends argue, "You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop, and you're talking about a hard liquor."
The third girl says, "Exactly."
A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine.
The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. He sneezes again, unzips and wipes himself off with the handkerchief.
The woman says, "Sir, that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."
He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing condition that causes me to оrgаsм every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, says with sympathy, "Oh, you poor man. What do you take for it?"
"Pepper," he answers.