Three bored girls are sitting around, and one of them suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
The first girl says, "I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause seven days a week, he's up."
The second girl answers, "I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."
The third girl replies, "Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."
Her friends argue, "You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop, and you're talking about a hard liquor."
The third girl says, "Exactly."
A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine.
The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. He sneezes again, unzips and wipes himself off with the handkerchief.
The woman says, "Sir, that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."
He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing condition that causes me to оrgаsм every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, says with sympathy, "Oh, you poor man. What do you take for it?"
"Pepper," he answers.
Three blondes die and go to St. Peter. He says, "I have one question, and if you get it right, I will let you into Heaven."
He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
She answers, "That's the time of the year when our whole family gets together and we eat turkey."
St. Peter says to the next blonde, "What is Easter?"
She answers, "That's the time of year when the fат jolly guy comes down the chimney and our family gets together to open presents."
St. Peter asks the third blonde, "What is Easter?"
She says, "That's when Сhrisт died and they put him in a tomb behind a rock."
"That's right!" exclaims St. Peter.
"Then, once a year," continues the third blonde, "we roll the stone away and he comes out, and if he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter."