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I have a twin sister; she's a lеsвiаn -- hold your applause... I think it's kinda my fault though. I'm a little bit of a sеxuаl orientation Svengali. When we were younger, we were watching kd lang sing at the Grammy's, and I was like, 'Oh my God, look at that guy, he's so hot,' and she's like, 'He is cute. Who is he?' and I was like, 'That's a girl -- you're gаy.' She was.

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What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off.

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Where the woman's neck ends the infinity begins.

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She's not just going to walk up to your house; she's going to try to sneak her way in. She's going to say, 'Girl, let me bring back those brown shoes I borrowed.' You tell her, 'Throw those shoes in the yard and keep rolling because you ain't coming up in here.'

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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

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Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.

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Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!

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Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets оrаl sеx, no matter how bad it is.

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They're so sweet in Boston; they're so delicate and tender... They come up to me, and they're like, 'Nice тiтs!' And then we hug 'cause I feel pretty.

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Can anyone in this room explain to me why Tampax needs a website? That's the last place any woman wants to be when she's bleeding.

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Avoid arguments about the toilet seat... Use the sink...

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Men approve of premarital sеx until daughters are born.

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A girl never comments on another unless she's jealous.

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That is easily the five most stereotypical gаy men I've ever seen in my life. They might as well have just called the show 'The Five Walking Vaginas.'

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Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

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A woman is like a well-served table at which a man looks one way before he eats and differently after he ate.

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What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around.

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A honeymoon couple are lying in bed when the husband says, “Honey, let's get busy.”
She replies, “Wait until the spirit moves me.”
Five minutes later he asks again she says, “Wait until the spirit moves me.”
Ten minutes later, the wife says, “Honey the spirit moved me.”
The husband replied, “Let the spirit f**k you. I just jacked off”

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