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Money jokes

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The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency.
To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office:
Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000.
With all these, you never made a donation to the charity...
If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds?
No... answers mayor.
In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind.
The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted:
And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans.
Stunned, the mayor says:
I didn’t know, please accept my apologies...
But the lawyer continues:
I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...
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I sent my young son to pick up ice cream, I handed him some money and a coupon.
Later he came home with the ice cream and the coupon.
When I asked him what happened, he replied, “Mom I had enough money.
I didn’t need the coupon.”
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How do you hide your money from a mexican?
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One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied.
'I lost it down the road.'
'Why don't you look for it there?'
'Because the light's better here!'
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Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
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The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.
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Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?
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Patient:
"How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?"
Doctor:
"Fifty rupees."
Patient:
"Fifty ruppes, for only a few second’s work?"
Doctor:
"Well, I will do it very slowly."
Patient:
"How much is for the operation?"
Doctor:
"Rupees on thousand."
Patient:
"But it was a serious one."
Doctor:
"Nonsense. You can’t buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days."
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A husband gives his wife a complete mink outfit for her birthday – a 12-bore shotgun and some traps.
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‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’
Douglas Adams
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Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"
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Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
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How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?
They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
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When does a female deer need money?
When she doesnt have a buck.
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Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
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A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?"
The guy says," Oh, I want them both now.
One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure.
He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender.
"What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that."
The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter.
Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock.
"That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks.
Hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
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Harry to Tom: ‘My uncle died last week. Left me sоd all.’ Tom: ‘Wow. Sоd Hall.
How many rooms has it got?’
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He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
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