Newest jokes

Bones decay very slowly. I'm thinking about all those dinosaurs and that my my baby teeth are still out there.

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Isn’t it funny – when you eat a sausage, you digest it and the body makes it again into a sausage.

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Accepting all those cookies on websites is extra hard when you’re diabetic.

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What happens when a snowman gets angry?
He’ll be having a meltdown until he’s down to earth again.

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My teacher said I should walk a mile in his shoes so
I’d know how hard it is to be a teacher. Now I‘m a mile away and I still
Don’t have any idea what he’s talking about.

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I saw you with a new guy. Is it something serious?
No, we do laugh from time to time.

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On the scale of 1 to 10, how quickly can you get
Excited?
First of all, isn’t this scale awesome?!

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Why do birds fly to warmer climates for the winter?
It’s much easier for them than walking!

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My wife told me I'm crazy. That’s just sтuрid! I
Don't even have a wife.

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Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as not to smash his head against the tree.

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When do you stop at green and go full speed at red?
When you're enjoying a watermelon!

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How do you tell a doctor is bad?
He doesn’t have a lot of patience.

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Daddy, where is Albania?"
"You have to ask Grandma. She cleaned here the last time."

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Online question:
What's the best way to solve my money problems?
Answer:
Wrap yourself in a blanket and lay yourself on the porch of a
Millionaire family.

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I started an affair with a blind woman.
It took me a while before I could imitate her husbands voice.

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“How old are you again?”
“I’m 12, grandpa.”
“Huh, at your age, I was already 13!”

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At the doctor's office:
Doctor, “Hello Mr. Crinkey, how are you?”
Patient, “I’m fine, thank you.”
Doctor, “Well what the heck are you doing here?! Next!”

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I was looking for some books on paranoia in the library. When I asked, the librarian said very quietly,
“Yes. They are Behind you.”

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