Newest jokes - Page 766

Q: why do all the niggеrs in Africa run so fast?
A: cause the Lions ate all the slow ones!

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Yo momma’s so fат, her chairs have seat belts.

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Your clothes would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s

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Flirt jokes

Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

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Single People Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes

After the honeymoon, the new wife tells her husband, “I think it’s time for you to stop playing golf. In fact, you might as well sell all of your clubs.”
The husband replies, “You’re starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
His wife says, “I thought you said you’ve never been married before?”
The husband says, “I haven’t.”

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Golf jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

My relationships with women have suскеd ever since I began dating and picking up вавеs. I met this gal in a bar Tuesday night and took her back to my apartment.
I was getting ready to shаg her and she started crying.
I said, “What’s wrong? Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?”
She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

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Dating Jokes Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Q:What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A:A high school math problem!

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Math Jokes School Jokes

Anne Frank: On no, I failed my test
Hitler: Anne, you need more concentration, literally

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Hitler Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."

"Who?"

"Dave Bronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave every single time."

"There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"He was something, huh?"

"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him."

"Well, I never actually met Dave."

"Then how do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow."

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Wine jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes Single People Jokes

Theres this girl,she is five.
She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend and she says,"you mother fuскing аsshоlе!"
Just then jill, thats the little girl,interrupts them talking and blurts out, "Big Sis,what does аsshоlе mean?
The girl surprised by the question,says BOYFRIEND!
Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom.
Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo!
THE dad says "Shiт!"
So the girl ask her dad "What does shiт mean?"
And he stammers "Shaving cream".
So she said okay and went about her day.
Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey.
Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says "Fuск!".
So Jill ask "What does fuск mean momma?"
And scramblimg for an answer, her mom says "cutting."
All of the sudden, they hear the door.
Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door.
He ask "Sweetie, do you know where you everyone is at?"
And she says, "Well, my sister’s talking to her аsshоlе, my Moms fuскing the turkey and my Dads wiping the shiт off his face."

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Dad Jokes Dirty jokes Boss Jokes

A Texas Cattle Rancher and an Illinois Farmer were debating on who had the biggest spread of land. The Texas Cattle Rancher said, "I'll tell ya what son, my ranch is so big that I can get in my pickup truck and start out at the western entrance to my ranch and drive straight east all dog-gone day and still not reach the eastern entrance to my ranch". The Illinois Farmer scratched his head and spit out his chewin' tobacco and replied, "Ya know......I used to have an old pickup truck just like that".

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Farmer Jokes

What's a lawyer's favorite playground apparatus? The suings.

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Lawyer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

I committed the perfect сriме: I put a mime artist in an airtight glass box.
Nobody suspected a thing.

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Criminal Jokes

I knocked on my neighbour’s door last night.
“Sorry John,” I said, “I know you’ve only just got home from work but I need your help.
I can’t get into my house. I was in a rush and my front door key is in my trousers which I’ve left beside the bed.”
“Okay, so what do you want me to do then?” he asked.
I said, “Go upstairs to your bedroom and get them for me.”

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Cheating Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing.

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Thanksgiving Jokes One-Liner Jokes Holiday Jokes

How many bodybuilders does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Four. One bodybuilder to sсrеw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, “Really, dude, you look huge !”

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Fitness jokes

Guys, enough with the Asian jokes...they're all the same.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Asian jokes

What do you call a dentist in the army?

A drill sergeant!

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Dentist Jokes Military Jokes

A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?"
The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.

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Aviation Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Rabbit:
"I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I m all out of carrots. What should I do?"
Friend:
"Don't worry; be hoppy!"

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Friendship Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes

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