One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I always carry a skeleton key with me just in case...
Just in case I have to break into a haunted house.

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What are secrets?
Secrets are what we tell everyone not to tell anyone.

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I want to tell you jokes about amnesia, but i forgot

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Marriage is like a railroad sign… first you stop, then you look, and then you listen.

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How is it truly possible to have a "civil" war?

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My Cousin Ronny was born with no eyelids, so the doctors had to use his fоrеsкin to create some. They said he would be alright, he is just a little cockeyed!

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Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same.

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Last week I met a nervous flea
He gets his sleep in snatches.

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You were born a winner you were the fastest sperm

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A lot of people have a bucket list of 50 things they wanna do in there lifetime.
I just have one, and that's to forget the 50 that I did!!!

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I changed my reference to the bathroom from John to Jim...
Sounds much more impressive saying I went to the "Jim" this morning.

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I made a HUGE mistake… I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub she looked at me and she instantly knew I've been lying to her for years.

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What runs but does not jump?
A tap.

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I really miss not being able to slam the phone down on people. Violently pressing the “End Call” button just doesn’t quite have the same effect.

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“Does a man-eating shark eat women too?”

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Roses are for passion
Violets are for grace
I have two fists
One belongs in your face

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I only thought of you once today, I just never stopped.

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The Titanic and films are quite similar. When it reaches a violent, unexpected peak, you just get that sinking feeling.

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