Pirate Jokes

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A pirate walks into a bar and sits down.
The bartender walks over to him and says "Hey, I couldn't help but notice when you walked in.
Is that a steering wheel hung between your legs?"
"Aye!" replied the pirate, "And it's drivin' me nuts!"

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A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

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The TV channel Gold’s eighth annual ranking, which is chosen by a panel chaired by the comedy critic Bruce Dessau, was put to 2,000 UK voters. Check out top 20 jokes. 1. Q: What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song?
Driving Home for Christmas 2. Q: Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop?
Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate! 3. Q: Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
All Virgin flights were cancelled 4. Q: Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
They have herd immunity 5. Q: Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen 6. Q: Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto?
Because eventually, it's behind you 7. Q: Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the inn 8. Q: Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
He doesn't know how many tiers it should have 9. Q: What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
They put on a super spread 10. Q: Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
Home Alone 11. Q: How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly?
Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail 12. Q: Why won't Santa lose any presents this year?
He's downloaded Sack and Trace 13. Q: How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas?
It'll take ages to flatten the curve 14. Q: How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year?
Fine. No sweat 15. Q: Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials?
Because they only wanted guinea pigs 16. Q: Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner?
Eat Sprout To Help Out 17. Q: How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party?
Put him on mute 18. Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
He keeps a logbook 19. Q: Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas?
Marcus Rashford 20. Q: Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem?
Because they couldn't book a home delivery

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What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Customer,
Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
- Sincerely, your ISP.

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What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Sir/Madam,
We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

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What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.

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Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....
So I was like na, more like pirate and воотy.

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What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear customer,
We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

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Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?
A small chest with no воотy.

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What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

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Pirate Воотy Call... Вlоw:
Well... вlоw me down? Yar!

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Pirate Воотy Call... Parrot:
Is it okay if my parrot watches? Yar!

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Pirate Воотy Call... Jolly:
How 'bout jollying my roger? Yar!

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Pirate Воотy Call... Boat:
Come back to my ship and we'll splice the mainbrace. Yar!

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Pirate Воотy Call... Blonde:
Sure, your hair's blonde, but I'd кill to see your blackbeard. Yar!

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Pirate Воотy Call... Eye Patch:
Even with this eye patch on, I can see that you're a hot lass! Yar!

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Pirate Воотy Call... Flogging:
I'm tired of flogging myself. Yar!

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Pirate Воотy Call... Explore:
I'd like to explore your briny deep! Yar!

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