Political Joke

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Dildоs are illegal in Texas but guns aren’t.
Probably explains the low number of dildо-related murders in the area.

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What’s brown and sticky?
Barack Obama after a wаnк.

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Earlier today Prince Philip sent a message to the President wishing him a happy Independence Day. His message said “You did a great job destroying the alien mothership and humanity is forever grateful.”

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Standing on an Ikea (Swedish) podium, behind bullet proof Sаinт Gobain Glass (French), smiling at a 4K Sony (Japanese) Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser (German) microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex (Swiss) under the cuff, he (Trump) patriotically said ..
“Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants”. standing beside a Slovenian wife.

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Why are scousers similar to batman? Because Robin helps them to survive.

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Wouldn’t it be quite funny if Donald Trump gave a press interview & someone pulled a gun out… Just to hear his bodyguards shout… ‘Donald Duck

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Why do most people find wars unnecessary and brutal? Because most people don‘t have shares in arms companies.

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Who was the President before JFK got assassinated?
Jfk

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Do The Americans have ‘Hung Parliaments’ like we do ?
Or do they just shoot the winner ?

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Why do people always assume drug dealers are dangerous people who carry guns? Fedex drivers are perfectly respectable people and they deliver drugs all the time.

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A carrier рigеоn stopped to rest on the window sill in the Pentagon building. Close behind him came another рigеоn who stopped off to talk. “Where you going?’ asked the second рigеоn. “To section M to deliver an order,” answered the first. “What’s the number of the order?”
“234XZY-Q78955-421YYTX,” replied the first. “Better get a move on,” said the second. “I got an order to rescind it.”

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Don't steal. That's the government's job.

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Q. Who is the most tech-savvy Israeli Prime Minister?
A. Netandyahoo

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The North Korean leader Kim Jong Un recently announced he’s gonna be giving out a prize for the best film that’s made about him. The prize is 15 years.

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Went to the Mandela funeral yesterday and it was a really emotional experience, I cried for hours. Didn’t think being surrounded by black people would scare me so much.

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When it comes to drugs I always say “no”. People keep asking me but I just don’t have any to spare, my house is too small for large scale production.

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I can’t believe all this global warming bullsh*t. The c*nts are always telling people to turn their lights off to save energy and help the planet. Last night I followed their advice, turned my lights off and ended up killing a pedestrian.

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The government has recently been heavily criticized for spying on people who are playing on Angry Birds. In their defense people who hate pigs have been involved in a lot of terrorist incidents in recent years.

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