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Serena Williams has retired from tennis .
Hope she goes back to acting.
She was brilliant in The Green Mile.

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Imagine if Gordon Ramsey was a GPS:
Great Job, you missed the f*cking turn you sack of shiт.

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Wiz Khalifa - Black and Yellow
Chris Brown Ft Rihanna - Black and Blue.

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I was walking around Knightsbridge yesterday and I saw Didier Drogba coming out of Harrods. Although I can’t fuскing stand the bloke, I thought here’s a good opportunity to make a few quid on eBay. So I ran up to him and asked him for his autograph and he was kind enough to oblige.
I never realised his real name was Venus Williams.

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My sister is so gullible. i told her that Nelson Mandela was the face of Uncle Ben's, that Donald TRUMP is the old guy version of boris johnson and that i slept with her friends mum.
The last one might be true

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2016 has been pretty rough but at least it’s safe to use public toilets again.
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Just saw Prince Charles on BBC weather.
He’s hoping the reign will end.

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Why did Blake Shelton break up with Miranda Lambert?
Because her lips didn't taste like sangria!

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How much sunblock did Steve Irwin use?
Not enough to stop the harmful rays!

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I feel let down, dismayed and betrayed after reading all the recent news stories about Cliff Richard.
I had absolutely no idea that wasn’t his real name.

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Justin Bieber and constipation are very similar.
The little shiт hasn’t come out yet, but we all know it will eventually.

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As a tribute to the late Tara Palmer Tomkinson, Elton John has said he is going rework and release a song dedicated to her:
A candle and the syringe.
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Thanks to the Pistorius verdict, millions of South African women are shiттing themselves….
…instead of using a toilet.

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It took four En Vogue to make one Aretha song.

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John Newman can go fuск a horses аrsе! I would rather have my ball sack dragged down a boulevard of glass than listen to Hello! Yuck!

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The three British extremists who beheaded James Foley and guarded prisoners were nicknamed the Beatles as they speak good English.
The remaining Islamic State members who speak very poor English have been nicknamed The Rooney Family.

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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?

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Chris Eubank has written a book about ethics, if it sells he’ll write one about kent as well.
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