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I wonder what chairs think about all day:
Oh here comes another аsshоlе.
~ Robin Williams

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Friend:you know I have respect for nicki minaj Alex:why Friend:because since she's mostly made out of plastic she can easily be recycled

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Got myself a crying, talking, sleeping, walking, living doll.
No Cliff, that’s not a doll.

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Joke for the next 4 years will be Donald Trump.

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Serena Williams has retired from tennis .
Hope she goes back to acting.
She was brilliant in The Green Mile.

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Imagine if Gordon Ramsey was a GPS:
Great Job, you missed the f*cking turn you sack of shiт.

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Wiz Khalifa - Black and Yellow
Chris Brown Ft Rihanna - Black and Blue.

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When James Bond is out of his home country of England, is he known as +44 07?

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I was walking around Knightsbridge yesterday and I saw Didier Drogba coming out of Harrods. Although I can’t fuскing stand the bloke, I thought here’s a good opportunity to make a few quid on eBay. So I ran up to him and asked him for his autograph and he was kind enough to oblige.
I never realised his real name was Venus Williams.

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My sister is so gullible. i told her that Nelson Mandela was the face of Uncle Ben's, that Donald TRUMP is the old guy version of boris johnson and that i slept with her friends mum.
The last one might be true

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2016 has been pretty rough but at least it’s safe to use public toilets again.
-

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Just saw Prince Charles on BBC weather.
He’s hoping the reign will end.

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How much sunblock did Steve Irwin use?
Not enough to stop the harmful rays!

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I feel let down, dismayed and betrayed after reading all the recent news stories about Cliff Richard.
I had absolutely no idea that wasn’t his real name.

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Justin Bieber and constipation are very similar.
The little shiт hasn’t come out yet, but we all know it will eventually.

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As a tribute to the late Tara Palmer Tomkinson, Elton John has said he is going rework and release a song dedicated to her:
A candle and the syringe.
=

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I had to take my 10-year-old daughter to a Justin Bieber concert.
The wife wife wouldn’t go, and I didn’t want to go on my own yet again.

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Thanks to the Pistorius verdict, millions of South African women are shiттing themselves….
…instead of using a toilet.

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