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When Justin Bieber got arrested:
Officer: Sir, you are under arrest.
JB: What Do You Mean?

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I can’t help but think that Will and Kate have missed a trick with this name thing. Elizabeth Paris Mercedes would have been a nice blend of modern and historical while also being the Cluedo answer for “what happened to Granny”?

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I used to say ” It takes a lot of ваlls to publicly admit you cheated, but Lance Armstrong proved it only takes one.

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For the next week, out of great love and respect, I’m calling my willy Wonka.

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This kid is climbing a ladder in a garage
To get some wood. His mom comes Out and asks "sweetie?what are you Doing?"The kid says,"I'm getting high
Mom!"

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A friend of Bill Clinton calls up Heaven. A voice says" Virgin Mary speaking" The friend thinks "Ok ! Bill has'nt reached heaven"
After a few months, he calls up again. A voice says "Virgin Mary speaking". The friend thinks," Ok! Bill hasn't yet reached heaven!"
After a few months, the friend calls up again. A voice says "Mary speaking" The friend decides,"So! Bill has reached Heaven"

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Paul Walker tried to fight a tree, the tree won and got a free car.

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Miley cyrus'es воовs are like her brains there nonexistant

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Jingle ваlls Dear Santa,
Yes i've been naughty this year but fuск you you fат judgmental bastard

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Girl: who’s your favourite Kardashian?
Me: Are there any dead ones?

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What did OJ Simpson get on Christmas 1993?
A glove, a black knit cap, a knive, and divorce papers

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At least the family of Pete Burns will save a little bit of money -
They won’t need an embalmer.

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Why are one direction number 1 on iTunes?
Because little girls don't know how to illegally download

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Roses are red violets are blue Justin bieber a рriск and a рrоsтiтuте too.

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I’ve left Stephen Hawking twelve voice-mail messages through this morning…
And only just realised he’s picked up every time.

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D id you hear about Michael Jackson?
He thought Boyz II Men was a delivery service.

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What does England and Oscar Pistorius have in common?
Looks like both will get away Scot free.

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The gossip mags are reporting Rihanna has broken up with Chris Brown after she caught him cheating with a waitress.
A source close to the couple says Rihanna knew something was up when Brown came home with another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

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