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I got into an argument with butcher the other day there
He said I bet you a. £10er you can't hit that rack of beef up there
I said I'm not betting. He said. not ?
I said the stakes are too high !

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Bill Cosby loves pudding... Pudding his diск where it don't belong.

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So, it looks like Oscar Pistorius is going to get away with мurdеr.
That’s very disturbing news…
For my wife, who’s just gone for a рiss.

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I’m going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.
Not quite sure which race yet.

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Justin Bieber has a new album coming out.
Oh, no, wait. Sorry.
Let me try that again.
Justin Bieber has a new album, “Coming Out.”

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Kim Kardashian: My weight gain while pregnant was God punishing me for being so hot.
Although if God is making more Kardashians, I think we’re the ones being punished

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‪Arthur Bostrom, Officer Crabtree in Allo, Allo has spoken about the death of co-star Gorden Kaye -‬
‪ I am sorry to hear of his рissing.

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I've been in L. A. about six years. I've already had a series -- series of disappointments.

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I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, “Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize.”
“Wahoo!” I shouted in delight.
“It’s a Maths question,” he said. “Feeling
Confident?”
“I’ve got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school,” I proudly replied.
“Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what’s 2+2?”
“7,” I replied.

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Muhammad Ali, may you Rest In Peace Champ. #RIPMuhammadAli

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BBC News:
“Justin Bieber’s hearing ruined beyond repair.”
That’s karma for you.

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I tried to keep up with the Kardashians……Now it hurts when I рее.

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Guy: hey Rick Ross, you're so fат.
Rick Ross: yeah. it runs in the family
Guy: nothing runs in your family, you fат f*ck!

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Stevie Wonder dosen't need eqaulity classes... He's already colourblind

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And to think, they once told Oscar Pistorius he’d never walk.

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The next President of the United States of America will be Hillary "I kicked Trump's аss in every debate" Clinton. Can't wait for Trump and his deplorable's to get lost.

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Watching Keira knightly in a 3D movie would be like watching "Jaws" come to life

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I think Hilary Swank would make herself more accessible to men if she changed her forename to Gloria.

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