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I thought he was too young for Kate Winslet. He's supposed to be this worldly traveler. You give him a guitar -- he's in Hanson.

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Did you see the Russell Crowe movie about the cannibal who ate his mother-in-law?
What? You don't remember that one?
It came out in 2000 and was titled Gladiator.
(glad he ate her).

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Kanye West running for president reminds me of watching my wife giving birth.
Just when you thought you couldn’t get a вiggеr сunт…

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I used to be a rapper. I used to rap way before Eminem. They called me Skittles.

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I got into an argument with butcher the other day there
He said I bet you a. £10er you can't hit that rack of beef up there
I said I'm not betting. He said. not ?
I said the stakes are too high !

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Bill Cosby loves pudding... Pudding his diск where it don't belong.

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So, it looks like Oscar Pistorius is going to get away with мurdеr.
That’s very disturbing news…
For my wife, who’s just gone for a рiss.

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When thin men have sеx, it lasts less than 2 minutes. This is similar to Taylor Swift's relationship.

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I’m going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.
Not quite sure which race yet.

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Justin Bieber has a new album coming out.
Oh, no, wait. Sorry.
Let me try that again.
Justin Bieber has a new album, “Coming Out.”

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Kim Kardashian: My weight gain while pregnant was God punishing me for being so hot.
Although if God is making more Kardashians, I think we’re the ones being punished

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‪Arthur Bostrom, Officer Crabtree in Allo, Allo has spoken about the death of co-star Gorden Kaye -‬
‪ I am sorry to hear of his рissing.

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I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, “Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize.”
“Wahoo!” I shouted in delight.
“It’s a Maths question,” he said. “Feeling
Confident?”
“I’ve got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school,” I proudly replied.
“Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what’s 2+2?”
“7,” I replied.

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Muhammad Ali, may you Rest In Peace Champ. #RIPMuhammadAli

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BBC News:
“Justin Bieber’s hearing ruined beyond repair.”
That’s karma for you.

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I tried to keep up with the Kardashians……Now it hurts when I рее.

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Can i get 1000 or more kickassss likes before Trump tweets more dumb stuff?

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Guy: hey Rick Ross, you're so fат.
Rick Ross: yeah. it runs in the family
Guy: nothing runs in your family, you fат f*ck!

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