Putin jokes, Vladimir Putin Jokes

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Shiт face

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Mr. Sauron, why did you invade Gondor? You see Tucker in order to truly understand the history of Sauron you must understand Morgoth. I'd like to walk you through the First Age for á brief moment. I'm

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Why did you attack the Jedi Temple? A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

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What’s the difference between Putin and Нiтlеr?
Hitler knew when to кill himself.

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Vladimir Putin walks up to a customs agent at the airport after landing in a foreign country. Agent asks:
Name?
Putin says: Vladimir.
The agent asks: Occupation?
Putin responds: No, I’m only visiting this country.

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Vladimir Putin consulted with a fortune teller. He asked:
“How long will I live?”
The psychic replied:
“I cannot tell that but I do know you will die on a Ukrainian holiday.”
“Which holiday?” Putin asked.
“Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday.”

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Biden calls Putin to discuss the latest situation. He shares with Putin:
“I had an interesting dream – I saw Moscow, full of light, joy, dancing and laughter, with people driving luxury cars – just like it was before all these war sanctions. There were neon lights and billboards all over the city!” At this point, Putin asks:
“And what did these billboards say?” Biden responds:
“How the hеll would I know… I don’t speak Ukrainian.”

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While Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears. Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: “Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us?”
Stalin gives him advice: “Send 5 million Russians to their death at war, and paint the Kremlin blue.”
“Why blue?” asks Vladimir Putin.
“… I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with the first part,” chuckles the old Stalin.

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Do you know Putin
Putin these ваlls in your mouth

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“Hey what’s the Russian president’s name?”
“Putin?”
“Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth”

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Putin planned a holiday trip to the U. S. for the President's Day weekend sales...
But he cancelled at the last minute when he remembered he'd already bought one.

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A communist homework joke...
Stop Putin it off man. You're Lennin it get to you. I know it's stressful but you really need the good Marx. You really are just Stalin the enevitable. Do it Mao!!

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Have you heard the Russian president has just taken over a planet in the outer solar system?
He's called it Putin-Uranus.

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The Russian Election is coming up again pretty soon
I hear Putin won

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Trump, Hillary, and Putin ran a marathon.
Trump wins, Putin finished last.
US newspapers: Hillary finished second.
Russian newspapers: Putin won.

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What did a hоокеr say to the Russian President?
Vladimir Putin

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Russia's Three Steps to Homework
Step 1. Putin it off
Step 2. Stalin
Step 3. Russian to finish

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If you rearrange the letters in "Vladimir Putin" you get murdered.

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