A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."
"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do. Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven. The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son to Isreal..."
A lady dies and goes to heaven. She arrives at the pearly gates and Is greeted by Sаinт Peter. There are a few people waiting, so she Strikes up a conversation with him. Just then, she hears a blood Curdling scream!
“What was that?” she asks.
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” says Sаinт Peter, “It’s just someone Getting a hole drilled in their head so they can be fitted for their Halo.” A few seconds later, she hears another agonized scream, this one even More terrible than the one before.
“What was that?!” she asked anxiously.
“Oh ,don’t worry,” says Sаinт Peter soothingly, “It’s just someone Getting holes drilled in their back so they can be fitted for their Wings.” The lady starts to back away.
“Where are you going?” asks Sаinт Peter.
“I think I’ll go downstairs, if it’s all the same to you,” says the Lady.
“But you can’t go there,” says the sаinт, “You’ll be rареd and Sodomized!”
“It’s OK,” says the lady, “I’ve already got the holes for that.
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sеx with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sеx with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sеx with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sеx with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers аnаl sеx. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sеx. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
