St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven.
He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.
- Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?
- Sure, - replied Jesus. - What do I have to do?
- Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven.
- Sounds easy enough. OK.
So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked,
- What did you do for a living?
The old man replied,
- I was a carpenter.
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward.
- Did you have any family? - he asked.
- Yes, I had a son, but I lost him.
Jesus leaned forward some more.
- You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?
- Well, he had holes in his hands and feet.
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered,
- Father?
The old man leaned forward and whispered,
- Pinocchio?
There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled:
"Do you need help, sir?"
The preacher calmly said
"No, God will save me."
A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked,
"Hey, do you need help?"
The preacher replied again,
"No God will save me."
Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God,
"Why didn't you save me?"
God replied,
"Fool, I sent you two boats!"
