An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing." So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed,
"Dамn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Little Johnny meets a pirate with a wooden leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The boy asks, “Wow Mr. Pirate, what’s the story with your leg, sir?”
The pirate answers:
“A shark bit it off.”
Johnny replies, “Cool… and what happened with your hand?” The pirate answers, “Another pirate chopped it off in a sword fight.”
The boys is overawed and keeps on, “And what happened to your eye?!” The pirate replies, “Um, a seagull pooped on it.”
The boy is astonished, “Oh boy, you can lose an eye from that?!” The pirate shrugs, “Not normally, but I’ve only had the hook for about a day when that happened.”