Sailing Jokes, Pirate jokes, Navi jokes

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While visiting a water show a tourist asked one of the divers, "Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats?
To which the diver replied, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

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Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: He wiped his вuм with the wrong hand.

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Because of a dense fog, a steamboat had to stop at the mouth of the river. A passenger demanded to know the cause of the delay.
"Can't see up the river," the harassed captain replied. "Fog's too thick."
"But I can see the stars overhead," the passenger said.
"Yes," the captain growled, "but unless the engines explode, we're not going that way."

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Q: What do pirates wear in the winter?
A: Long Johns!

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Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.

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Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!

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What's a pirate's favorite letter?
You would think R but it is the C that love.

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Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
Petsmarrrrrrrrt!

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Whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent, an old pirate captain would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of his crew members asked him what it meant.
The pirate captain replied, "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
He told the crew member, "Get my brown pants."

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What's a hоrny pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no воотy!

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Q: How did the pirate get through School?
A: By sailing on high C's.

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A sеамаn meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
The sеамаn notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The sеамаn asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks.
Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the sеамаn.
"What about your hook"?
"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords.
One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the sеамаn.
"How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

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Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.

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A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."

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Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone.
The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.
The chief walks to the men and says, "What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The first man thinks for a second and replies, "I choose Boogaloo".
The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant "boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo".
The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up.
The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, "You must choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, "I choose death."
The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, "Death by boogaloo!!!"

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Раddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?"
Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the fuскing boat!"

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A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!"
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot.
For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas.
Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hеll did you put the god dамnеd boat!"

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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his реnis.
The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your реnis?"
And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."

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