Jokes about Sailors

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Steve: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.
Pete: Really? I wonder what he called his hook.

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What’s the difference between a pirate and a strawberry farmer?
The pirate buries his treasure, the farmer treasures his berries.

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How do you greet a Spanish pirate guy with a rubber toe?
Hola Ruberto!

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How does a pirate get to the top of the building?
By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!

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Pirate pick up lines:
- Is that a wooden leg or are you that happy to see me?
- Do you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?
- Care to do some воотy plundering with me?
- Surrender your воотy!

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What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?
The Steady Relationship.

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How does a pirate declutter his ship?
By having a yarrrrd sale.

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Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker?
Because they use the patch.

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A pirate has stopped his pirating and mended his ways, but his parrot was just too bad, constantly swearing and refusing to behave.
Finally the ex-pirate had enough of it.
When the parrot started swearing again, he stuck it in the freezer for five minutes.
When he fished it out again, the bird was very humble and said:
“I promise I’ll be good now, John, no swearing! Just a question – what on Earth did the turkey do?”

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Why don’t pirate marriages last much?
Because of all the arrrrguments.

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Wooden pegs and hooks are really expensive these days.
They cost an arm and a leg.

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What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.

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Why do pirates make great lawyers?
Because they have very good arrrrguments.

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Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read?
Because they spend months and months at C.

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What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS-ARRR

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What's a pirate's favorite explosive?
M80

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A pirate goes to the doctor
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

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A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing
The pirate thinks and replies,
"My spine!"
"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised
"Because it's holding me back!"

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