School Jokes

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Yo momma is so fат that when she saw a yellow school bus go by full of white kids she ran after it yelling, "ТWINКIЕ! "

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The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue."
"Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green."
"Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?"
"Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shiт myself.”

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Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins… I just go to the local primary school

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What does the informatics teacher scream when he’s drowning? -F1, F1, F1...

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After an MCAT exam, a father asks his son, "How did it go son?"
Young man, looking rather reproachful, replied, "It went well dad. In fact, it went so well that I will retake it again next year."

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I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".

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Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: I'm late?
Teacher: You missed an entire period.
Student: Are you telling me I'm pregnant?

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An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

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School shooting happens
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk
American student: “First time?”

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During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

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The English teacher’s husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.
He said, “Why, Susan, I’m surprised.”
She bolted upright,
Pointed her finger and corrected him, “No.
I am surprised.
You are astonished.”

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A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous. But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin. Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her.
"I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied.
To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.

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There is an apartment with 3 stories. A white family lives in the top, a mexican family live in the middle, and a black family lives in the bottom. A tornado comes and wipes out the apartment. Who survives?
The white family because the parents were at work and the kids were at school!

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Teacher:
"If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven."
Teacher:
"No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven."
Teacher:
"Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Six."
Teacher:
"Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven!"
Teacher:
"Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny:
"Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote
Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

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When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

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What do you call an all you can eat buffet for a Реdорhilе? A school bus.

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I wish I had Trump as a teacher.
Citations would be easy
"You know it, I know it, everyone knows it"

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