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School Jokes

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We live in a culture where a рrоsтiтuте on the street can earn more money than a school teacher. That's disgraceful. We have to start paying prostitutes as poorly as we do school teachers.
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I’m getting pretty nervous about my maths exam.
I think I’ve got a 40:40% chance of passing.
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A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about рussy, and their b*tch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mom", the boy asks, "What's a рussy?"The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a рussy." the son then asks "What's a b*tch?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a b*tch."The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a рussy?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vаginа and says "Son, this is a рussy!"The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a b*tch?"
The dad replies,
"That's everything outside the circle!"
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My son came home from school looking all excited.
“I got a B on my reading test,” he told me.
“That’s a fuскing D,” I replied.
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My lazy son asked me to do his homework but make it look like he’s done it, so I agreed.
I didn’t bother doing it.
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Teacher: Suppose you have $10 and you asked your brother for $5.
How much would you have then?
Student: $10
Teacher: why?
Student: My brother wont give me any.
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When I first called up my high school sweetheart, I hadn't seen him for 12 years, and I found out that he had become a cop. And I thought, 'Oh, cops are so brave! They're heroes and protect us from bad people and risk their lives!' Then I met them all, and I found out they go to Ноотеrs.
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There’s a door at the back of the school bus that says, “For emergency use only”. ….
…..
Now I know why it stinks of рiss all the time.
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I’m fed up of public schools promoting the ‘gаy agenda’. My son came home from school the other day and he said they were talking about hомо sapiens in class.
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"How was your first day of seventh grade son?"
"It was great Mom, I found out I’ll be learning sеx education in my astronomy class. The teacher asked if we had a favorite star and also said beginning tomorrow we’ll be discussing heavenly bodies!"
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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Sатаn stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy turned out. It's probably just your Dad."
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Yo momma so fат, they used Google Earth for her school photo.
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Yes, Theo, what is it? Asked the teacher.
I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I didn’t get better marks, someone was going to get a licking.
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A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"
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“How are you getting on with your exams?”
“Not bad. The questions are easy enough - it’s the answers I have trouble with!”
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First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor began the lecture by telling them:
“In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the аnus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.
“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the вuтт of the dead body and suскing on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said,
“The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and suскеd on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”
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These three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says:
“Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow.”
The second one says:
“Ha! You think that’s fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet.”
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says:
“You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!”
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Once their was a young boy, in school one day he asked if he could go to the toilet,
'First say the alphabet' replied his teacher
'abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz'
'Where's the p?'
'Running down my leg!'
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