School Jokes

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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him:
"Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

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In chemistry class the subject was "oxidation - reduction.” The teacher was really excited and after the lesson asked the students in a very loud voice, “now tell me where is the electron? Where is it?" a drowsy student jumps up at this and shouts "o. K." Nobody moves. Sir, shut the door. We can still catch the thief"

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An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the qualifications for being president of the United States. After the teacher commented that a person must be a natural-born citizen, one of the students raised her hand. “Does that mean that if you were born by Caesarean section that you can’t be president?”

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Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”
Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?

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I was taking a stand-up comedy class but I had to quit...
My teacher was making me feel funny.

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The professor had just related to his history class the event where an ancient runner had covered the 29 miles from the plains of Marathon to Troy to finally cry "Victory - Victory" and then fall dead from the run. Asking for comments, the class sat quietly until one student, a cross-country team member from the back of the room quietly asked - "did anybody get his time?"

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Father: Why did you get such a low score in that exam?
Son: Absence.
Father: You were absent on the day of the exam?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

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Teacher:
"Class, in this final exam, everybody should get at least 75% marks."
Student:
"We are all trying for 100% sir!"
Teacher:
"Are you being serious?"
Student:
"Well, no sir. But it was you who cracked a joke first."

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Biology Class Teacher: Which Mammal flies in air but gives birth to young ones on land?
Paddy was so excited, as for the 1st time he knew the ‘Answer’!!
Paddy: AIRHOSTESS!!!

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Teacher: Handful of nuts can help your heart!
Teacher: I love nuts
Class: Ewwww
Teacher: No I MEANT THE ONE YOU EAT!
Nick: Ohhhh, SO you mean my dads?
Teacher: ...........

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History Teacher:
"Why was George Washington standing in the bow of the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?"
Student:
"Because he knew if he sat down, he would have to row."

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The law professor was lecturing on courtroom procedure. “When you are fighting a case and have the facts on your side, hammer away at the facts. If you have the law on your side, hammer away with the law.” “But what if you have neither the facts nor the law on your side?” “In that case,” said the professor, “hammer away on the table.”

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Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Peter: Because they had so many knights.

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“It’s no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher, ‘I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.”
“Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher, “but you only have two ears, son.”
“You see, sir,” I’m no good at math, either!”

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What did the math teacher say to Dracula after he failed the math test?
"Can't you Count Dracula?"

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Question: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Answer: Because he was trying to see if his son was in his class.

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The teacher asks: Now, Susan, how may fingers have you?
Susan: Ten.
Teacher: Right. Now if you lost four of them, what would you have?
Susan: No more piano lessons.

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The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”

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