School Jokes

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A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom - his hands were dirтy.
She stopped him and said, “John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?”
Smiling the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.”

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A rather strict English teacher also had the responsibility of teaching “homemaking,” as home economics used to be called. The teacher noticed a student carefully applying lipstick and powder, rather than doing her home ec lesson.
“Jenny,” said the teacher, “you pay more attention to your makeup than you do to your homemaking lessons.”
“Well, said Jenny, “before I can home make, I have to catch someone with whom.”

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The teacher asked little Peter; "If I have 5 mangoes in one hand and five mangoes in the other, what do I have?”
" Big Hands, " said Peter.

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"Frank, if you have 20 dollars and Bill takes away 14. What would you have?” said the teacher.
"A fight!” answers Frank.

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In a class room exam, John was peeping into the answer sheet of his neighbor.
The teacher shouted, “No cheating John!”
John replied, “I am not cheating. I am copying. There is a difference!”

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A teacher was telling her class about plant names that have the word "dog" in them, such as dog-rose, dogwood, dog violet.
She asked the class if they could name another flower with the preface "dog".
Steven raised his hand and said,
"Sure Miss Jones. How about a 'collie' flower?"

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The teacher says, “I wish you’d pay a little attention Mary.”
“I am paying as little as I can Mrs. Веll,” said Mary.

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A teacher called upon the classroom to make sentences with words previously chosen.
The teacher smiled when Pete, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words “Defeat,”
“Defense,”
“Deduct,” and “Detail.”
Pete stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he the proudly said, “Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.”

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The teacher asked the class to define “Pedestrian”
Tom raises his hand and says:
“A person who can be easily reach by car.”

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Teacher: Dudley, can you tell me what the four seasons are?
Dudley: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him:
"Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

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In chemistry class the subject was "oxidation - reduction.” The teacher was really excited and after the lesson asked the students in a very loud voice, “now tell me where is the electron? Where is it?" a drowsy student jumps up at this and shouts "o. K." Nobody moves. Sir, shut the door. We can still catch the thief"

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TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Well, because class started before I got here.

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Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”
Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?

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I was taking a stand-up comedy class but I had to quit...
My teacher was making me feel funny.

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The professor had just related to his history class the event where an ancient runner had covered the 29 miles from the plains of Marathon to Troy to finally cry "Victory - Victory" and then fall dead from the run. Asking for comments, the class sat quietly until one student, a cross-country team member from the back of the room quietly asked - "did anybody get his time?"

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Father: Why did you get such a low score in that exam?
Son: Absence.
Father: You were absent on the day of the exam?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

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Teacher:
"Class, in this final exam, everybody should get at least 75% marks."
Student:
"We are all trying for 100% sir!"
Teacher:
"Are you being serious?"
Student:
"Well, no sir. But it was you who cracked a joke first."

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