School Jokes

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Me:
"May I go to the restroom."
Teacher:
"What for?"
Me:
"To Open The Chamber Of Secrets, What the hеll do you think?

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Teacher: Class, you have 30 minutes to write a composition on the subject of
Baseball
Jonah: Here’s my paper
Teacher: Jonah, you spent only one minute writing your essay
Lets hear what you wrote
Jonah: Game called off on account of rain

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Two verbs, three adjectives, three nouns and a conjunction appeared in court. They’re due to be sentenced next week.

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"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”
“Huge hands, sir.”

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A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom - his hands were dirтy.
She stopped him and said, “John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?”
Smiling the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.”

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A rather strict English teacher also had the responsibility of teaching “homemaking,” as home economics used to be called. The teacher noticed a student carefully applying lipstick and powder, rather than doing her home ec lesson.
“Jenny,” said the teacher, “you pay more attention to your makeup than you do to your homemaking lessons.”
“Well, said Jenny, “before I can home make, I have to catch someone with whom.”

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The teacher asked little Peter; "If I have 5 mangoes in one hand and five mangoes in the other, what do I have?”
" Big Hands, " said Peter.

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The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going to in cold weather insufficiently clad. “There was one a boy,” he said, “who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn’t put a coat or scarf on; he caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!”
The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small voice said, “What happened to the sled ….?”

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"Frank, if you have 20 dollars and Bill takes away 14. What would you have?” said the teacher.
"A fight!” answers Frank.

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In a class room exam, John was peeping into the answer sheet of his neighbor.
The teacher shouted, “No cheating John!”
John replied, “I am not cheating. I am copying. There is a difference!”

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A teacher was telling her class about plant names that have the word "dog" in them, such as dog-rose, dogwood, dog violet.
She asked the class if they could name another flower with the preface "dog".
Steven raised his hand and said,
"Sure Miss Jones. How about a 'collie' flower?"

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The teacher says, “I wish you’d pay a little attention Mary.”
“I am paying as little as I can Mrs. Веll,” said Mary.

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The teacher asked the class to define “Pedestrian”
Tom raises his hand and says:
“A person who can be easily reach by car.”

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Teacher: Dudley, can you tell me what the four seasons are?
Dudley: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him:
"Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

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In chemistry class the subject was "oxidation - reduction.” The teacher was really excited and after the lesson asked the students in a very loud voice, “now tell me where is the electron? Where is it?" a drowsy student jumps up at this and shouts "o. K." Nobody moves. Sir, shut the door. We can still catch the thief"

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An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the qualifications for being president of the United States. After the teacher commented that a person must be a natural-born citizen, one of the students raised her hand. “Does that mean that if you were born by Caesarean section that you can’t be president?”

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TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Well, because class started before I got here.

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