School Jokes

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Biology Class Teacher: Which Mammal flies in air but gives birth to young ones on land?
Paddy was so excited, as for the 1st time he knew the ‘Answer’!!
Paddy: AIRHOSTESS!!!

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Teacher: Handful of nuts can help your heart!
Teacher: I love nuts
Class: Ewwww
Teacher: No I MEANT THE ONE YOU EAT!
Nick: Ohhhh, SO you mean my dads?
Teacher: ...........

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History Teacher:
"Why was George Washington standing in the bow of the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?"
Student:
"Because he knew if he sat down, he would have to row."

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Melissa went up to her college professor, ready to contest the grade she received in the class. "I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?
After staring at her with a blank look, the professor responded. "Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation."

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Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Peter: Because they had so many knights.

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“It’s no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher, ‘I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.”
“Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher, “but you only have two ears, son.”
“You see, sir,” I’m no good at math, either!”

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What did the math teacher say to Dracula after he failed the math test?
"Can't you Count Dracula?"

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Question: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Answer: Because he was trying to see if his son was in his class.

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The teacher asks: Now, Susan, how may fingers have you?
Susan: Ten.
Teacher: Right. Now if you lost four of them, what would you have?
Susan: No more piano lessons.

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The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”

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TEACHER: Did your parents help with the homework John?
JOHN: Nope, I got them wrong all by myself.

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I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites."
"Why thank you," I replied.
Then he concluded with, "You were mean to everyone.”

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What’s the difference between a school bus and a cactus? on a school bus the рriскs are on the inside.

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What is yellow and does not float well?
A School Bus

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What is green and looks like a school bus
A school bus

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What is better for bus drivers? A. Magic school bus 🚌

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Who’s a pineapple? I’m a pineapple…Yass
Teacher and kid
Kid: hey teacher: yes
Kid: would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: of course not
Kid: well I didn’t do my homework

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So in class they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher- so kids where does bacon come from?
Student- PIGS
Teacher- correct where does mutton come from?
Student- SHEEP
Teacher- and finally here’s your homework-
Student- IK where that comes from!
A fат соw!

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